An Ode To An Autism Mother

This is an amazing talk about meeting your child where they are – that means encouraging and working on the talents and skills they have, following their lead and developmental timeline, and presuming competence at all times. 

This also means not restricting or taking away their “obsessions” or “fixations.” This means not comparing them to others. This means caring less about how they “function” and more about what makes them excel. This goes for all children, not just autistic or special needs.

When you support them and their interests and accept them for who they are, not only will they flourish personally, but they may even devote a wonderful TedTalk to you one day. 

More Sentences!

It is wonderful that we've been moving from just words, to more full sentences. The things that come out of his mouth are surprising and funny. We know he is listening to us at all times! Oh oh!

Now when the Little Man trips or falls, he says, "I meant to do that!"

We went to visit and were knocking on his granny's door to get in and he said, "Hello? Can you hear me?"

It's so cute because these are not necessarily phrases we actively taught him, just things he has picked up on his own.

We have a lot of people visiting our apartment since we're moving, and he asked them, "what doing in my house?" I wasn't around at the time and Hubby didn't really explain it to him, but I told him he needs to explain to him why we're allowing strangers to walk in our house. I'm sure it doesn't make any sense to him.

In other good news, we got an appointment with the special autism school for an evaluation. I really hope he gets accepted for September. I think he'll really enjoy school.

Snippets of the Child's Mind

The Little Man says things like, "up up high Dada living room!" which means he wants to watch "Baa Sheep" (Wallace and Gromet, not to be confused with "Dada Sheep" which is Shaun The Sheep) with Dada in the living room (since the Wallace and Gromet VHS's are on top of the TV stand).

Or things like "bubbles outside now!" and "beach go" - he points to a post card of Florida and wants to go. Aside from "go" I think the only other verb he has is "watch TV."

He knows "this way" and "that way" and "mine truck."

It's interesting because he will say "hi/bye" to people on command (like a robot) but doesn't look at the person when he does it. He'll maybe wave in their general direction. Despite the perceived lack of emotion or disconnect, I know he does still *feel* something. The only way I can understand this is through Hubby, who we're almost 100% sure is also Asperger's and early in our relationship, I'd ask him how he felt about something and he said he honestly didn't know. I couldn't fathom it at the time, but over time, I've come to accept/understand it a bit better. I used to think it was a cop-out, but I've seen him shut down (and work with him to avoid that now) and I know he feels deeply about things at times.

Hubby doesn't avoid eye contact, but makes it intently - maybe to over-compensate - but it was one of the things that initially drew me in. Never had I been with someone who seemed so intently interested in what I had to say. I understand now it was his only way of actually paying attention to what I had to say. I know now if he isn't looking at me, whatever I say is not heard. It's only over time I understood that he's not ignoring me, he just operates differently.

Anyway, all this to say, with language, we're gaining some insight into our child's mind and what he picks up. He's still not speaking an appropriate age level, but we're learning more about what he thinks about. It's also interesting how he's a lot like Hubby, but also a lot like me and we'll see how this plays out as he grows up. Seeing him and his reactions has made me remember a lot of quirks about myself (and wonder if I don't have Asperger's also sometimes!) - I hated having any part of my head touched, I still don't like making eye contact with people, I'm not 100% sure I'm in touch with my own emotions half the time - I know I can be very cold.

In other news, I took The Little Man to the pool party at the Natatorium and let him go in a bouncy castle for the first time. This was like heaven for him. He bounced a bit, but spent most of his time free-falling face first into the mat. The attendant looked at him a little weird and seemed concerned at first, but he would stand up with a giant smile and do it again. It was horrible when we had to leave and he cried the whole way home. I need to turn my living room into a giant bouncy castle.

Cake for Breakfast

Awww, Little Man took out his communication book, pointed to a picture of a cupcake and said, "eat?" Then he said, "cake." Luckily, I had two banana muffins left, so he got one for breakfast. I try to reinforce whatever communication he comes up with. To let him know he's understood, I give him what he asks for - even if that does mean "cake" for breakfast. It's ok. I also have a batch of pumpkin muffins in the freezer. I'll make some carrots ones and maybe chocolate zucchini. He's forced to eat veggies whether he likes it or not.

In other news, I converted the crib into a bed. He spent the first few days getting up but not opening the door to his room; just standing there knocking on it and saying, "out!"
Hubby opened the door and he said, "oh!" so now he knows he can open it, climb onto Mama and Dada's bed and sit on top of a tired Mama while giggling maniacally. Great. That's why I had hesitated in transitioning. It was great when he was locked up in the crib. However, he recently started jamming his legs through the bars in an effort to escape and he got wicked bruises.
So yeah, now he runs into my room at 9am or so. I need to get to bed earlier.

Just Say No to Milk

The Little Man is 29 and a half months today. I'm no longer doing "don't ask, don't refuse," I said no to nursing this morning. I can deal with being a sleepy-time pacifier, but there's no pacifying required in the morning, just habit.

Half the time his latch is off and we're almost totally dry-nursing and quite frankly, it hurts. My boobs are sore and tired. It's not how I thought it would be - that whole "I want my body back" thing people say so much. I have my body back. I don't feel like I ever lost ownership of it. My boobs are just tired and empty. (That sounds like they're depressed. Well, they've lost their reason to live!)

He cried, but I told him he was a big boy and could have a big boy treat. He said he wanted to watch TV. I presume I will have to repeat this process for weeks.

I'm not sure if it sends a mixed-message if he's allowed to nurse at nap and bed time, but I do tell him then also that he's a big boy and doesn't need to, though I don't refuse. I figure he's not developmentally ready to totally soothe himself to sleep yet and he doesn't use an artificial pacifier or suck his thumb. Even after nursing at night, he still gets passed off to Dada for rocking. There's always been something about Dada's arms - Dada has always been the master putter-to-sleeper. Though, if Dada is not around, he's fine and if I'm not around in the morning, he's fine.
People are complex.

Cute Kids Have Delays Too

We were at the feeding clinic yesterday and the Little Man gained half a pound in the last three weeks, so he's finally doing well. He's between the 10-15th percentiles now, which is just fine by me. The psychologist said, "in a way, you have to be super parents because your child is not like the other ones and you have to work harder." Yes, THANK YOU! I knew that, but it's nice to be validated. I always knew he was different. And people always go, "oh, but he's cute," "oh, but we still love him." Ok, but being cute doesn't change the fact that he's different and it can be extremely challenging to teach him even the simplest thing, like eating. You would think eating would be easy! And it's tough when you look at other kids, some much younger, and they're sitting down happily chowing away, using forks and spoons and your kid just gags and spits things out.

Please people, give mommies some credit. If mommy says she's having a hard time because she knows something is weird or different about her kid, don't tell her her child is cute. Don't tell her it will get better on its own by magic. Don't patronize her. Tell her you'll listen and see if you can help.

Yes, my child is cute and "a unique and special snowflake," but he also has delays and sensory issues that I haven't even begun to understand. Those things don't stand in contrast or negate each other. Those things just are the complexity of my child.

New Info

Zee child has discovered if he climbs on something, he is taller and can reach more interesting things! *sigh* I just don't know where to put anything anymore. I need to empty the apartment and just have washable, padded walls.

Also, food tastes better if it has been vrooomed around the floor like a car.


Tomorrow evening and the evening after he gets to hang out with his Abu, since we're going to the adoption info sessions. I am scared and excited by this at the same time. I've heard they show horrible stories of children who have been abused to scare you from adopting (or just knowing what you're getting into). But I also hear they provide cookies and juice, so it can't be all bad, right?

20 Month Update

He's 20 months now and I forgot to plug in my camera, so I have no recent pics :(

His appetite has picked up a bit since the iron supplement (anemia can cause a lack of appetite, so that could explain a lot!).

He's still not really talking, but I think he tries sometimes. He says "gar" for "car" sometimes, but mostly "vroom, vroom." But he understand complex commands ("go to the kitchen and bring me the fish toy") and things like that, so I have no complaints. Otherwise, he says "dada," "mama," "ja" (yes), "na" (no) - and he shakes his head now, so that's good. I've taught him more signs because he just picks those up in a day no problem and it's easier.

I have to teach him to climb up and down stairs because he's really behind now.

He is amazingly gregarious and friendly. He runs up to other kids, smiles and waves, but they're always more shy. Our neighbour's sister sometimes visits with her 22 month old and they are equally friendly and get along really well. Together, they yell and bang on stuff and they get a big kick out of that.
I am impressed with how independent and self-assured he can be (not always!). When he is off in the park on an adventure, he has no fear to run off and explore. When *I* chose to leave him though, that's another story.

He loves wearing hats and my headbands.

His favourite toy seems to be a red MegaBlok car my friend bought him for his birthday last year. She also got him a blue one and a yellow dump truck and he likes those a lot, too, but he takes the red one to bed with him sometimes and holds it when we nurse. He spins the wheels until he falls asleep.

I bought new nursing bras this weekend because I hadn't since just after I gave birth. I hadn't anticipated nursing this long, but that was before I really understood the benefits and just how easy it *can* be. It's not always - especially now because to a lot of ignorant people, it's "weird" and I'm constantly being undermined by doctors who don't know *anything* about breastfeeding at all.

But back to him! He's super affectionate and luckily I taught him to give closed mouth kisses - no more of those goobery, messy kisses. I also taught him to blow kisses, so that's nice.

He dances A LOT, usually to African drum rhythms and piano music (he loves the CTV News weather music!) so I want to take him to the tam-tams when the weather is nicer.

He likes drawing, but he keeps eating crayons, so I have to watch him really closely (he's fast!). He has an Etch-a-Sketch and three Magna Doodles (and he can't eat those) so he uses those a lot. If only I could get him to eat *food* as much as crayons...maybe I need to make crayon-shaped food....