Head Lice Prevention

Last school year started with an epic breakout of head lice at the school. I guess all the kids who went to summer camp brought it with them? Nevertheless, I went out and started arming myself just in case. I got head lice twice as a child, so I know what that itching and trouble is like. I really didn't want to see it come into our home, so I started looking into how I could possibly prevent it.

In addition to going to the pharmacy and getting a medical treatment shampoo and lice comb to have on hand just in case, I also found some products that might deter lice from ever setting up home.


First I found Fairy Tales Repel Conditioning Spray. I had made my own essential oil blend originally, but it smelled kinda funky. I'm happy I bought this one because it smells really nice. I sprayed the boy's head every day before he left for school, as well as all his hats and hoods.

I use it on my own hair as well, and I like the level of conditioning. It makes my hair very soft (and I have course, frizzy hair).

I then switched all of us to Eco.Kid Prevent Shampoo. It smells like lemons, yet still seems very mild.
I like the fact both products are made with essential oils and not strong chemicals.

Do they work?

Well, we didn't get lice, so whether that was just luck or the products, I can't say, but it did give me peace of mind. I think for that it was worth it, as well as the fact they both smell really nice and the boy didn't have any problems with them.

Constantly Putting Out Fires

August has been a weird month for me. We don't have a bad life, so I can't complain, but do you ever feel like all sorts of curve balls just get thrown at you at once?

I had a really bad review at work, a first for me, and I think caused by really bad communication breakdowns/misunderstandings in a whole bunch of ways.

I am trying my best to bounce back from it, and for the most part think I understand the issues, I just wish someone was more open with me earlier. Or who knows? Maybe this was the kick in the ass I needed.

In this case, no big surprise, it's my deficits in communication that hold me back. I've come a long way, but there is still improvement to be made and I am doing my best.

Things were going well with the nanny, or so I thought, until they weren't so much and then she ran off completely - with one week left before school starts. Just coming out of bad eval at work and then having no child care for a week, isn't the best timing. Hubby and I have been taking turns staying home with him and trying to get work done, but this is about as easy as herding cats. It's also not fair to him to be stuck being bored all day, but there's no one else at such short notice.

On the plus side, the weather has been nice and I was able to drop off his school supplies ahead of time, which helped a lot. He was happy to see the school again and some of the teachers were in. It's such a small school and everyone knows him by name, so they stop to chat with him.

Hubby has been dealing with his own health issues (which is good), but it's also about finding a "new normal." As usual, I feel like whenever we settle into one thing, something else comes and changes up the routine again and it's like we're constantly putting out fires.

I think this school year will be better though. Last year this time I was terrified of the unknown. Now I am truly grateful he is in such a supportive school and looking forward to the routine and predictability again. 

First Concert and Social Workers and Adoption, Oh My!

I've been taking a few courses, so I haven't made many updates lately, but lots of stuff has been going on.

We got a new social worker. I was really happy about that since we have been waiting for a whole year. Unfortunately, she informed me today that she's leaving and we'll be getting a new person to start all over with. To her credit, she was really productive in the short time we worked with her (about a month) and I appreciate that. What can you do?

I had a lovely Mother's Day. Most of it was spent spoiling myself downtown. I bought some new clothes for myself, something I do maybe once or twice a year.
I took this picture with my Little Man:

School is almost over and they held their spring concert. It was the first time The Little Man was up on stage. He performed "Head and Shoulders" with his group and another song with tapping sticks.
Sorry for the blur, but it was dark and I zoomed in so as not to get other kids in the picture (since I didn't ask permission).

The concert was really well organized. They grouped the students by ability, not by age (which is pretty arbitrary when you think about it). I'm really pleased with the school and how far he's come in the last year. 

My last bit of good news will make those who have been trying to follow our fostering/adoption journey happy. For those who don't know, we initially wanted to adopt from Barbados, but found we were restricted here (there's no inter-government agreement currently), so we looked to other countries, but that's a lot of time and money. So we put that on hold and decided to look at the fostering-to-adopt system here. Well, we put ourselves on the "banque mixte" list here and expected to never hear back. We attended the two info sessions on fostering and decided not to proceed with that at the time - we just felt we had two much going on with the Little Man to invest in that.

Not long ago, we agreed we would start the process for international adoption next year. I picked out a few countries I thought we qualified for and filed that in the back of my mind.

Then today I got a call from the banque mixte program, asking if we were still interested and would we come in for an interview. Woohoo! We were on that list for three years and I figured I'd never hear anything. However, because we're a multiracial couple, it works in our favor because they try to match the children up as best as possible. So nothing is set in stone and even if we pass all the home studies and such, there could still be a long wait, but I feel like we are one step closer. Our next child is out there! Hang tight! 

An Open Letter To My Son's School

For privacy reasons, I am not publishing the name of my son's school. However, this is a copy of the letter I sent to his school in response to their "Light It Up Blue" celebration.

The "Light It Up Blue" campaign was started by Autism Speaks - an organization that I unfortunately cannot support as an Autistic adult and self-advocate, as well as mother to an Autistic child. Autism Speaks says they are spreading "awareness" but uses fear-mongering and likens autism to a deadly illness that is "stealing children" and requiring a cure. They consider autism to be a disease and a "public health concern." (Ref: http://www.autismspeaks.ca/events/light-it-up-blue-and-world-autism-awareness-day/)

They do not listen to the voices of autistic people and do not have one autistic representative on their board or openly in their organization. 

As such, I cannot support their work and I cannot sit back quietly while they continue their reign of fear.

I will continue to fight for acceptance - acceptance for all people, regardless of ability, sex, creed or colour. I will continue to fight for acceptance of neurodiversity and the understanding that different is not wrong or less. In fact, if your autism celebrations are done with the intent to promote pride and acceptance of autism, I can only support that. But if they are based on the need for a "cure" for the "devastating curse of autism," as promoted by Autism Speaks, then I am distinctly against it.

I am writing because I want you to be aware of where this campaign stems from and how it can hurt autistic people. After all, we are not disappearing. Autistic children grow into autistic adults.

Because my son is too young to be involved in such politics, I will send him to school in blue so he can look like his friends and enjoy his day, but understand this puts me in an awkward position and is not an ideal situation.

SCHOOL has done an amazing job supporting my son in the short time he has attended. Please do not let the loudest voices, and in this case, the one with the most money, sway you down the wrong path. There are many great associations where autistics are coming together to speak, and hopefully one day we will be truly heard.

Thank you for your consideration.

School Update

We're more than halfway through the school year and I've been so busy blabbing on about myself, I never gave a school update about the Little Man!

Well, he's doing great in his first year of school. He is learning so much and working so hard. He has come a long way from hardly speaking to talking and talking (mostly about trains, but other stuff, too!). He still has his quiet moments, but he is really learning tons and trying.

He recently started sliding down slides on his bum! I got a note from the school from the proud OT. Previously, he went down on his belly, feet first. His dyspraxia makes him very unsure of his body and he gets scared to experiment. The plus side to this is I don't have a crazy dare-devil child trying to climb my roof or jump over cars, but it does mean he doesn't experience a wide variety of activities. He is working on that and learning to trust his body and predict what it can do. It's really nice to see him developing new skills.

He knows how to spell his name and can type it. Handwriting is not his favorite, but he is still really young. There is plenty of time for him to learn all this stuff.

The fact is, he has come a really long way since I first put him on the bus back in September. He happily took to the routine and the people there. They seem to understand him and support him very well. I have no complaints or fears. It's a great school and he will be attending next year. I feel very lucky that he got in.

In every day life, he sings a lot. When he doesn't know the words, he makes up his own. It's so cute! He sings about trains mostly and he can actually sing in tune, so it's really nice to hear him. It is the soundtrack of my home - him playing and singing - and I really couldn't be happier.

He likes to dance also, and he'll be old enough for classes next year, so we might try that.

Otherwise, we just need to figure out what we're doing for March Break, but the transition to school life has gone really well. 

Is School Safe?

(Trigger Warning: abuse of power, injuries against a disabled person)

Just recently, I wrote about law enforcement abusing their powers and how they may not always be trusted to protect when it comes to the special needs population. Scarier still, these sort of "above the law" attitudes can infiltrate all areas of society, including our school boards and schools.

This seems to be what happened last month to Shawna, mother and blogger at InnerAspie. About three weeks into the school  year, her normally happy and active 9 year old Autistic son, who she refers to as "Beans" in her blog, became quiet and extra cuddly. A bit before this, her maternal instincts told her something didn't seem quite right. She was not getting very clear information from his teacher in his communication book each day and he also completely stopped drinking. Looking for more feedback and answers, she scheduled a visit with the teacher.

Before this meeting could take place though, he came home one day with horribly bruised wrists (pictures on her blog). She immediately took him to the ER for x-rays. He is non-verbal, so she could not get any clear answers from him about what possibly happened. The next day, she took him to his regular doctor, who said the marks looked like he had been restrained. They could see the imprint in his skin of what could possibly have been a shoe print or jewellery. It is very hard to tell from x-rays of all the small bones in the wrists of a still-growing child, but there was possibly a small fracture.

No one thought to call and inform her of this. It did not happen in her home or on the bus - it had to have happened at school and no one is owning up to it. Even if it was an accident, why didn't anyone contact her to say what happened? These bruises were so huge, how could they not have been seen?

She called the police to make a report and was sent to the school police department, which is not exactly the most impartial authority, but she had no choice. Through their investigation, she was able to find out his para took him off his morning bus and reported the bruises to the nurse (the para claims). The nurse only has a record of examining the child at 10:30am. Why did it take her two hours to see him? The nurse said she wanted to call the parents, but that the teacher told her not to.

Really?

You know what? If my child were injured at school, I would much rather get two phone calls, even if they are redundant, than to get no phone call at all. Even with all this, no one is able to explain where these bruises came from. There are only three children (including Beans) in this class. These children are not supposed to be left alone. How could no one see an injury like this? Why doesn't anyone know what happened?

Even with all of the authorities involved - from police, to Child Protective Services, to the Special Ed Coop (which governs about 16 schools) - no one is admitting any wrong doing and she has no answers or solutions. So she is doing what she can do to keep her child safe - she is keeping him home and will home school him for at least this year, until either another school or safe option can be found.

This is a horrible disservice to an innocent child who did nothing wrong, never had any issues with school before and loves going to school. He is the one losing out on being out with his classmates because a teacher, or someone at the school, could not keep him safe. Did someone abuse their power and decide that forcibly restraining a 9 year old boy was the right thing to do? This person is still in contact with other children. Are these children safe?

What Shawna wants now is for everyone to know this story and for the higher governing bodies to know what is going on in their local districts. The lack of accountability in this case is appalling and it needs to be known. This is also tax-payer's money feeding these systems and this system is falling this boy and many other special needs children, no doubt. Remember that for every story you do hear about, there are always countless others suffering in silence because they do not have the resources or capacity to challenge. 

Handwriting With Trauma

My son's school uses the Handwriting Without Tears program. Sounds great, right? I don't know much about it, but anything without tears sounds like a good thing to me. The teaching character is called Mat Man. My son loves Mat Man, apparently.

But three weeks into school, he suddenly hates the song that goes along with the program. Like, he's terrified. Like, they had to remove him from the class while it was playing terrified.

I don't know exactly which song it is, so I don't know what it is about it that has triggered him. The one I found on YouTube sounds pretty snazzy to me!



I asked him about it and he just said it upsets him. So I don't really want to prod too much. I don't really think he has the words to explain it to me either right now. Oh well, the teachers will just have to have him sit out for the time being.

First Day of School!

My Little Man went to his first day of preschool today! He didn't cry and he ate his lunch without complaints. Or at least that's what his teacher wrote in his communication book.

He was happy, even though the bus was very delayed on the way home. Apparently another child had a melt down, so the bus did not leave on time. The Little Man got home a whole hour late. I guess that sort of thing is to be expected. It just makes for a long day for him.

He got off the bus and told Hubby the other kids should not be screaming on the bus. The bus driver said he was the only one who listened and was a very polite little boy.

Regardless, we're getting the afternoon bus changed - he is too small to be in those big seats without a seat belt. Imagine if there were an accident! In the morning he goes in a van with a booster, so we're trying to get him switched for the afternoon transport. It will be quieter for him that way also.

Otherwise, he's been a trooper (as always!) and is excited to go back. He even has homework to complete already! Geez! 

School: Give Me A Clue

I really don't want to complain, but this is not good and I can't be the only one having issues. I am really happy the Little Man got into the school he did this year. It's a school specifically for Autistics, with a group of specialists who will "get him," I hope. He will get his speech and OT all under one roof and get to play with new friends.

This is great, for sure.

But it's hell for me.

School starts right after Labour Day, but I still don't know what time the bus is going to pick him up or drop him off. I work full time. My husband works full time. We sort of need to plan our schedules because someone needs to see him off and someone needs to be there when he gets home! I would really appreciate a bit more notice. This is the first time I'm sending a kid to school. It's not like a have a clue. I need to know the bus will pick him up, giving me enough time to get myself to work. Even Hubby will have to change his work hours to be home on time for him. I can't imagine what single parents go through!

This also isn't the first time I'm complaining about planning issues with the school and we haven't even had a first day yet!

Today, (yes, just today!) the school emails to tell me there is a possibility of before and after school care, but again, no details. What are the hours? What is the cost? How am I supposed to plan?

We have a parent-teacher meeting tomorrow (thank goodness for that if it actually provides information!) and the hour of that was also changed just this week.

Shouldn't they have enough experience working with Autistics to know that we need/crave schedules/routine? Did they forget that most parents work and can't just change things at the drop of a hat?

It's just an extra level of stress.

To add to it, Hubby is pretty sick today. He was up most of the night throwing up and we don't know why. Maybe it's the stress of the unknown. It doesn't help!

Back to School Rant

from http://kidshealth.org/

The Little Man is starting pre-school in September. I've never sent a child to school before, I'm a little apprehensive.

Not only that, I have no clue what time the bus is supposed to pick him up or drop him off, which makes it a little hard to plan our schedules.

On top of that, all the back to school sales are RIGHT NOW and no one has told me what to buy!

Maybe it's no big deal, since it's just preschool, but can someone help a mama out?

I need to pack lunches he will actually eat....omg, I need some tips. I need to not panic.

More Sentences!

It is wonderful that we've been moving from just words, to more full sentences. The things that come out of his mouth are surprising and funny. We know he is listening to us at all times! Oh oh!

Now when the Little Man trips or falls, he says, "I meant to do that!"

We went to visit and were knocking on his granny's door to get in and he said, "Hello? Can you hear me?"

It's so cute because these are not necessarily phrases we actively taught him, just things he has picked up on his own.

We have a lot of people visiting our apartment since we're moving, and he asked them, "what doing in my house?" I wasn't around at the time and Hubby didn't really explain it to him, but I told him he needs to explain to him why we're allowing strangers to walk in our house. I'm sure it doesn't make any sense to him.

In other good news, we got an appointment with the special autism school for an evaluation. I really hope he gets accepted for September. I think he'll really enjoy school.

Off to School Already?

We get a call from the school board this morning, asking if we can bring the Little Man in for his assessment on Monday morning. Oh, thanks for the notice!

Basically the school board has to assess his file and write a referral in order for us to send him to a special private school specifically for autistic kids. So if they decide his needs can be met with a regular school, we can't send him there. Then the school itself will assess him and decide if they'll take him. If they don't, I have no clue what they do at that point. The referral has to be done by March 1st. Again, no one gave us any notice.

Anyway, we managed to schedule another day and Hubby will take him, because it's impossible for me to get time off with such short notice. Actually, it could be done, but I don't want to do things that way.

It's interesting how life goes. Had he been neurotypical, my intention was to keep him out of school until at least 5 since his birthdate makes him the youngest in the class. However, this autism school takes kids at age 4 and really, $5000 a year for daycare, speech therapy, OT and psych is a freakin' steal. I figure work with him til age 6, get him reassessed and we'll take it from there.

And then there's the thought of holy crap, my baby will be going to school in the fall if this works out! How did that happen? Wild.