We All Need Help

You get up in the morning with to the sound of an alarm clock. The house is warm (or cool depending on how you like it) with the aid of programmed thermostats. Technology is wonderful and so useful. 

You make breakfast, or maybe someone left a smoothie or cup of coffee for you in the kitchen. Your house is clean because you had a maid in on the weekend. You take a shower and get dressed, listening to the news on the radio. Checking your cell phone, you can see the quickest way to work today would be to catch the bus at the corner. Some days, your co-worker sees you waiting at the stop and picks you up. You always appreciate the gesture and chip in a little for gas.

Lunch at work is being delivered by a catering company today, so you didn't make your own lunch. You get home from work and find your partner has a migraine, so you take over the evening routine and let them head to bed early. You know they would do the same for you. You make sure to prep the coffee maker for them for the next morning and make sure the car has enough gas in it for them to get to work. 

Sounds like a typical day, doesn't it? No one exists in a bubble without any help. Technology helps us get up and out the door. Friends, family members and co-workers help us get through our day in many ways. Are some forms of help more socially accepted than others?

We don't judge anyone for not getting a bus driving license and call them lazy or worse because they need to rely on someone else to drive a bus to get them to work. We also don't drive our own trains or fly our own planes (most of us, anyway), and that sort of aid is totally fine! Has anyone ever called you stupid for not being able to fly a plane?

We (typically) don't judge people who need house keepers to keep their house clean. We don't bat an eye when we have to order food from a restaurant instead of cook it ourselves. No one calls people weak or disabled or incapable for eating out. 

Yet, when a disabled person needs assistance for certain tasks, they are seen as weak, incapable, and even have functioning labels put on them (which I hate). If someone needs an aid to come to their house every morning, to get them out of bed, shower and dress them, they are seen as functioning at a lower level than the rest of us.

If a disabled person needs a cleaner to help with chores, they are seen as less than. If a non-disabled person hires a cleaner, they are seen as smart for making time for themselves and maybe even seen as somewhat affluent. Most of all, no one pities or chastises them for needing help. 

We need to think about the amount of help we all receive on a daily basis and we need to think about the judgements we make about others needing help. We all need help in different ways and at different times of our life we may need more. This does not reflect negatively on anyone's intelligence or capabilities. In many ways, help enables us to be more efficient, productive, organized and useful. Without help, we wouldn't get as far.

Sherlock, Doctor Who and Trusted Companions

My new obsession is the BBC version of Sherlock staring Benedict Cumberbatch. I also had an obsession with the Granada Sherlock Holmes of the 80s, played by Jeremy Brett.

I have always loved the way Sherlock Holmes moves - the hand gestures, the very straight and deliberate fast walking, the fast talking once he has all the clues in place - I see a lot of my father in him. I see a lot of myself in him. I see him as very Autistic/Aspergian.
There's also the way he doesn't really sleep or eat while on a case. Whatever he's working on becomes his obsession and he becomes horribly bored without one. There's also his eye for detail and heightened sense of smell. Contrary to the BBC Sherlock considering himself a, "high-functioning sociopath" I don't actually think that's the case. He shows too much empathy (his protectiveness over Mrs. Hudson is a good example) to be a sociopath. He lacks social graces, is all, which brings me to the concept of companions.

Doctor Who is half-alien/half-human and doesn't always understand human emotion. I'm no expert on Doctor Who, but Hubby is. Depending on the Doctor, some show more emotions than others. Doctor Who and Sherlock have some interesting things in common:

-Both become very bored without their work
-They enjoy solving mysteries and fighting evil
-They take companions along for the ride, who often make them look more heroic

In both cases, the companion often asks a lot of questions and Sherlock/The Doctor has all the answers. Why anyone wants to spend loads of time not having a clue what is going on and relying on someone else for answers is kind of lost on me. Companions are not forced to be there. They choose to be there and can leave at any time. What do the companions get out of it? Well, it seems they really enjoy helping. Both Sherlock and Doctor Who lack a certain understanding of humans and the human world. They both sometimes need some explanations when it comes to human nature, and the companions fulfill that role. Dr. Watson keeps Sherlock in check when he's going overboard on the arrogant side and also tells him what to say in certain situations, but it doesn't come across as too paternalistic. It seems he genuinely respects Sherlock and even if he may find Sherlock's manner annoying in some ways, he accepts that's just part of the package. He doesn't try to change Sherlock, but rather guide him. In return, Dr. Watson gets the excitement he so needs in his life, and a loyal friend.

That is what everyone needs in life - a trusted companion. Someone who will help you with your faults without trying to change you. I have fond memories of a boss I used to have who tempered me. He was someone who could talk me down from my quick-temper outbursts and able to translate my scattered thoughts into diplomacy. I still hear him in my head sometimes saying what he used to whisper in my ear when I blurted out too much, "inner monologue, Kelly, INNER monologue."

I think that's part of my success at work. If you have someone in your court, it helps immeasurably. For my home life, Hubby is my trusted companion. He explains situations to me that I don't understand (and there are a lot of human interactions I just don't get).

It's interesting to note that these characters with brilliant minds and who save lives need help. They aren't helpless, but they can't do it alone. So if they need help and it's ok, what does it say about us mere mortals?