September 09, 2013

I'm A Mom, But I'm Not Like You

I'm writing this because I'm participating in a Flash Blog for Isabelle Stapleton - an Autistic child whose mother tried to kill her recently. I've written about it in my personal journal, with a lot more swearing, but I'll try to keep things rated PG-13 as much as possible here.

There is a lot of ridiculous justification going on regarding her mother, who was also a blogger. It seems a lot of other blogger moms somehow relate to her being "overwhelmed" - which is all speculation right now anyway since she hasn't spoken about it, as far as I know.

A lot of Autism Moms are crying for better/more services, which also is not the time or place for this. Last I checked, kids need food, clothing and love in order to grow. Most of the other stuff is bonus. They have a right to an education and they have a right to not be abused. You don't need tons of services to accomplish that. Lots of us, me included, have gotten by just fine without ever having a moment of ABA therapy - in fact, we may even progress best without it.
Suffering from a "lack of services" (whatever that really means) still doesn't give you license to murder.

There are plenty of special needs parents doing what they need to do every day without the thought of murder ever crossing their minds, services or not.

I can admit to being "overwhelmed" with life now and then. I tell my hubby I need a break and I do what I suspect most people do - go to bed. Some people may have an alcoholic drink to relax. Others might smoke a joint. Some might take a hot bath or grab a coffee, or do one the myriad of things SANE people do everyday that doesn't involve MURDER. I can get stressed out like the rest of them, but at no point does the thought to kill my child come into my mind!

Apparently, I've also been told that because I'm Autistic, I'm supposed to have sympathy for a murderer who apparently "snapped" and went insane. Because being a murderer is a mental health issue and obviously, Autistics are mental. Look, I'm aware ASD is in the DSM, but no where in the description does it list "homicidal tendencies." So no, sorry, but I don't relate to murderers in any way, shape or form.

Not only that, but people just "snapping" spontaneously happens very, very rarely. This mother may have had a pre-existing issue, such as depression, which she did not get help/treatment for. I can have sympathy for people with mental health issues. I have less sympathy for people who choose not to get treatment when their actions affect others. I have even less sympathy for close people around a sick person who also do nothing. You can't tell me there weren't any signs. The first sign should have been the horribly negative name for her blog. The second was the way she yelled at people providing her daughter services (I thought were supposed to be lacking?) when they didn't want to go along with the way she controlled every single aspect of her daughter's life. (Which I gleaned from the very small amount I've read of her horrible blog)

One person even suggested that maybe she just needed more "me time." Excuse me? "Me time"? How much "me time" do you possibly need? If you are just one short moment of "me time" away from killing your kid, you have serious issues! If you need that much "me time" to not kill your child, maybe having children wasn't a good idea! The fact that people can even SAY things like this and think it's ok, is just mind boggling! Hey, so next time I hear of a horrible murder or home intrusion, or heck, any crime, I'll just remember, gee, that guy must have just needed some "me time" and didn't get it. All those guys in prison right now? They just needed a little "me time!" That's the answer!
We don't need police to prevent crime, we all just need some "me time"!

Look, I have been clinically depressed. I have even been suicidal. But no matter how sick in the head I got, I always had a choice. I had a choice to keep living. I had a choice to call a friend. I had a choice to cart myself off to the emergency room. There are ALWAYS choices. 911 always answers the phone. You can't tell me there were no services.

You have to make a clear and conscious choice to drive someone out to a remote location and poison them slowly. That doesn't happen in two seconds. There were so many chances to make the right choice and she chose not to.

So I might be a mom, and I might have an Autistic child and I might even share the same first name, but I am NOT like her. I'm tired of people aligning with her in some sort of sick solidarity. I'm tired of all the excuses.