My Adult Stims

Autistic children often have very noticeable stims - kids aren't known for being discrete or hiding aspects of themselves. I think all kids pick their noses or scratch their butts in public without a care in the world. It's not until we bring it to their attention that this is not how we behave in public that they start to police their own behaviour, and each society has different norms about what is acceptable.

So with Autistic kids, the only difference is that some of their actions or behaviours are different from NT children, but over time they too can often find "acceptable" outlets. Of course, what is acceptable to one is not to another. I also believe that stims have a purpose, so my philosophy is very simple: if it doesn't harm another person or themselves, it is acceptable. 
(Of course, we can also get into a debate about what constitutes as "harm" but let's keep it simple for today)

All this to say, I had a lot of stims as a child that I grew out of or found socially acceptable methods to carry them out without attracting attention. Because until society changes, Autistic people have to go into stealth mode in order to either not attract attention or become victims of violence. That is just a fact about the way the world is today. If you don't like it, help me change it!

Also, people seem to have this perception that if one does not "look or act" Autistic (whatever that means!) then the person is "cured." I don't think people can be cured of autism, we just find better ways of masking ourselves to fit in.  So I wanted to bring awareness to some of my adult behaviour, or ways I can go "hidden" or at least, not so visible on the radar in order to be productive in the outside world and keep myself safe.

-I do still flap on occasion. I have to be either really happy or angry. I don't even notice I'm doing it until someone else points it out (usually by laughing at me).

-I hum/sing the same part of a song over and over again or make bizarre noises with my throat. This annoys my husband, so I try to reserve this for when I'm alone, but it does still come out now and then.

-Listening to loud music - to lose myself or just really enjoy. Often while alone in my car.

-I curl myself up into a ball and rock. (Again, this is usually a "in the comfort of home" thing, but I have found myself doing it at parties, which gets me stared at)

-I bite my nails. Not a great habit, but one that a person can do anywhere and not be looked down upon too much.

-I chew gum. Again, not everyone likes gum chewers, but still socially acceptable enough in most places. I'm not loud about it, but I need to do it for stimulation. I usually chew gum while driving or during my afternoon slump at work.

-I have some tics or twitches, where I crack my neck or wrists.

-I wear fidget rings. Days I've forgotten to wear them to work result in anxiety attacks, so this is another *must* stim for me.

If you'll notice, adult stims are pretty innocuous and even NTs do them, but I think the difference for me is that they are very important to my well-being and capability to deal with life. I know that not being able to stim results in high anxiety for me. So reducing or controlling a stim would come at a high cost.

So even if an adult Autistic does not "look" like they are struggling or stimming, it's often just that we've found alternative ways to hide it and keep going. There are severe consequences for those who don't - loss of job, threats of violence from strangers, just to name a few.

Does My Humming Disturb You?

One thing I noticed for the first time during our road trip to Toronto (probably because we hardly go anywhere with the child these days) is people staring/looking when he hums.

My son is like a beautiful little humming bird

He hums, in my opinion, because he's happy and it's stimming and calming. I have no problem with his humming. I actually kinda like it. It is rather loud and it's not a tune, it's more like a long monotone hum. Kind of like an AUM (sometimes I tune him to aum and we harmonize together, but he usually does his own thing).





Anyway, so people stare when he does this. Hubby reasons they may find it annoying because it's not a normal sound to come out of most people (I guess humming songs is socially acceptable, but humming one tone is not?) or they stare wondering why we don't tell him to shut up. I don't know, maybe I should ask someone next time they stare. Because again, it doesn't bother me and I see no reason to offer an explanation. What do I need to explain? He's humming, he's happy, what's the problem? He's not picking his nose and sticking it in your ear. And frankly, we're not in a library, we're in a loud food court (another reason he might be humming in the first place, to counteract that stimulus) and he's not the loudest noise in here.

Or maybe they just can't stop looking at his mesmerizing green eyes and that's why they're looking at us? I have the same problem :)

The Wiggles Final Tour

It's hard to say who wanted to see this show more - us or zee Child. Once my employment situation was settled and we got a new car, I felt safe enough to take a day off work and drive to Toronto to see them for their last tour. I had wanted to go see them in Ottawa last year, but the Little Man came down with strep throat. This would be our only chance, so I bought the tickets! 

We started driving at 8:30 Thursday night, destination Toronto. Had it just been us adults, we probably would have gotten further, but that wasn't the case. We stopped at Brockville, a little less than 2.5 hours away. It was a bit of a crazy experiment because I opted to keep the Little Man awake, thinking he would crash out by the time we arrived at the hotel. This plan did not work. He went into insane over-stimulation mode. After about an hour of wrestling upsidedown, we managed to get him to sleep. It helped that we pushed the two double beds together and had one big bed. He squished next to me all night. 

We had breakfast at the hotel and were off again by about 10am, Friday. And after one of those annoying "drive all through a middle of nowhere town to find a gas station" mistakes, we made a point of only stopping at the fancy new ONRoutes. My Mazda has a tiny tank and is not great on highway fuel efficiency, so it means we have to stop a lot more than with the Sunfire. That and having a three year old. We also had to endure hours of "go see Wiggles!" echolalia. 

Then we stopped at the Big Apple to let him feed some goats and we got to our hotel in Toronto by 3pm. The boys went swimming and I went shopping in search of child (and us)-friendly food. Us adults got sushi and in total, Hubby and I went out about three different times trying to find some option zee child would eat. He was becoming increasingly picky - which is to be expected with the excitement of travel. 

That night he had his own bed and slept just fine. He's been sleeping on Westin/Sheraton "Heavenly Sleep" beds since he was three months old! He woke up with a runny nose and sneezing, however, the poor bug. We had a lovely brunch at the hotel and then headed off to see The Wiggles. 

 They opened with Big Red Car

Anthony about to do a hand stand! Far out!

Hubby and I got a huge kick out of The Wiggles. The Little Man was over-stimulated and congested, however. These guys are amazing. They're like 50 years old and doing hand stands and flips. It's like freakin' Cirque du Soleil, they have ropes and poles to swing on. It was nuts. They are funny as all hell, cracking jokes about "happy endings" and stuff like that. They were cracking up on stage, making fun of each other. They have mics on the whole time, so you hear *everything*, including their out of breath huffing and puffing. But they sing, they dance, they play their own instruments and they seemed to be having a really good time. 

About 45 minutes in, the Little Man started getting weird and I had to pee anyway, so we took him out to walk around and see how he was doing. We got out and he put his hands over his ears and said, "too loud." We asked him if he wanted to go back in and he said no. This made me very sad because this was the reason we came to Toronto and I *really* wanted to see The Wiggles. I mean, dude, I know all the words to all their songs, plus the hand movements! *sigh* But I had to put on my big girl panties and leave for the sake of my child. 

So we got back in the car and he was like, "go see Wiggles!" I said, "we just saw The Wiggles and you wanted to leave."

"Oh," he said. Oh indeed, my child. 

My son's fave song, Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, performed by The Wiggles

Tie Me Kangaroo Down by The Wiggles

Lending a Stimming Hand

We've figured out that when the Little Man starts stimming, we can quickly calm it by rubbing his face and head vigorously. I guess because of his hypo-sensory issues, he doesn't feel it and needs a reminder now and then? Anyway, doing that a couple of times a day at the first signs eliminates the whole running around and bashing his head into furniture bit. Also eliminates the need for a crash helmet and floor to ceiling padding.

Anyway, the other day, Hubby was sitting on the couch and tapping his foot. Little Man went up to him and patted him on the head. LOL. I guess he thought Hubby was stimming (maybe he was!).