Fostering Family Planning

When I was around five, my mom, sister and I were having a conversation about growing up. I think my sister said she was going to be a lawyer and never get married or have kids (she never changed her mind about the last two, but she changed her mind about being a lawyer).

I said I was going to marry, "a white man with a moustache and have 10 kids!" My mom laughed and told me I didn't have to do any of that, but I assured her I would.

I did marry a white man who had a moustache at the time. I'm still working on the 10 kids part.

If you read our About Us page, you'll know I have a 75% miscarriage rate, so getting and staying pregnant is not easy for me.

Us in Vegas after our vow renewal ceremony. I was in the process of miscarrying our second baby.

So we've had three angel babies, the Little Man was my fourth pregnancy and I recently signed up to be a foster parent with Plan Canada. I received the picture of a little boy in El Salvador named Anderson. I hope to foster him til he's 18 and visit him one day, so I consider him my 5th child.

So where are the other five going to come from? LOL

Ok, I don't necessarily need five more kids, but I still think there's room in my heart.

We still ain't no Duggar family!

Sometime last year,  we attended fostering info sessions. I started filling out the long application after that. Hubby was not so enthused, and I didn't want to rush into anything. Then he came around and starting filling out his part and now I'm not so sure. Mostly because we're still trying to establish therapy for the Little Man. We're not even sure where we're going to live next year! I've been at my company only five months now and we may move closer to our workplaces and a special school for the Little Man. I feel like there are a lot of unknowns. While I know nothing is ever guaranteed and there's no perfect time to have a kid, there are probably some times that are still a little better than others.

If I didn't often feel so overwhelmed with the uncertainty and preoccupied arranging therapies/visits/follow up phone calls, it would make it easier to add another child to the mix. But I think I'm taxed out right now. There's not a day that goes by I'm not getting on someone's case about my son's file (you have to be or you'll never hear back!) or filling out an application or talking to insurance - it's just too much. I can't imagine doing that with TWO!

But there is still love to give and I really want the Little Man to have a sibling, so it will happen one day and maybe not in the way I expect. You just never know. 

Let Your Child Live Their Own Life

Possibly because we knew going into pregnancy that we had a chance of having a special need's child, I refused to have expectations. After three miscarriages, my only goal was to have a live birth. I'll admit, if given a choice, I really wanted a boy with green eyes (which is what I got, yay!) but I didn't want to have any expectations as to the type of person he would become.

I think also, after our first miscarriage, I realised how quickly we build expectations the minute we discover we're pregnant. Right away you start imagining what he or she may look like, you wonder if it's a boy or a girl, you day-dream about university graduations, weddings, her first period, a first driving lesson...it goes on and on. When all goes well, this can be an enjoyable part of pregnancy. When you have a miscarriage, all those dreams die along with the baby. So I quickly realized, or maybe it was a coping mechanism, that it was best never to get my hopes up and not to have any expectations about the developping child. Just being pregnant, even one day, became my whole focus and where I directed my gratitude.

Even after a healthy pregnancy, I've seen people mourning what they hoped their child would become after they received a special need's diagnosis. But I think saying, "he'll never drive a car or never get married" and being sad about it does two things: it imposes your view of how you think this other person's life should be lived and it sets limitations on your child. Unless you can see the future, why be sad about things he/she *might* not be able to do? Things can often change, they may surprise you. Also, how important are these things you want them to accomplish? Maybe they won't drive a car, but will be an amazing painter. Is that so bad? You could have a perfectly "normal" child who hates driving and never wants to get married.

Are they happy? Are they relatively healthy? Isn't that all that really matters?

I think regardless of your child's health status, you shouldn't put your hopes and fears on them. It's for them to learn, make mistakes and find their way in life.
The fact is, you lived your life. It's time to let your child live theirs.

Secrets in the Shower

All sorts of funny things happen when I leave the Little Man unattended, with free reign on the house while I shower.

The other day I left a bag of potatoes on the table, along with the cover to an air filter I was cleaning. When I came out of the shower, this is what I found:

The potatoes would obviously be more comfortable in the air filter cover. The potato bag was nowhere to be found.

Today I was finishing up my shower and heard the clanging of a dish. "Oh no!" I thought, the candy dish. Daddy must have left it within reach on the table.

I grabbed my towel and ran out dripping, to see my candy goblin on the floor, laughing maniacally.

He took them all out of the jar, bit into each one (through the wrapping) and was working on shoving them all back in the jar when I caught him. I thought it was too funny, so I gave him a piece.

I'm leaving them for Daddy to see if he'll still eat them.

Kids and First Class

An informal poll went by my Twitter feed lately, asking whether kids should be banned from First Class. A lot said yes.

Wow. Really?

I'm going to sum up my point really quickly and maturely:

A plane is public transit. I pay my fare, just like everyone else, to sit in my seat. My kid pays a fare, too. A plane is really just a big bus in the sky. If you don't want to sit with other people (let me remind everyone kids are PEOPLE) then charter your own damn private jet.

Fer reals, yo!

KTHXBYE!


OK, but seriously. You can't have a car seat in First, nor can you use the CARES harness. That means you can only bring a fairly small child in First in the first place. I like having the extra room and really, if mama's comfy, baby is more likely to be comfy and therefore, quiet.

I have no problem if airlines want to institute "Kid Free Flights" or something of the sort. Maybe they can offer some flights of the day and guarantee they're kid free. But to outright ban all children from First Class? Nope. Sorry. You won't have my (much needed) business.
That's just *my* two cents.