Change and Fears

I have been writing tons about myself and not much about the Little Man. The fact is, things have been great. He adjusted to school life very quickly and has friends there. The big issue is our home life has recently been turned upside down. We didn't get tons of warning from the contractor when they were ready to start our home renos. We moved out to a hotel for one week, then found a small apartment near our house to let for the rest of the month. That's a lot of change for anyone!

In addition to that, I just survived a major layoff and restructuring at work. It's been a stressful couple of weeks for all of us. 

To top it off, the Little Man got a nasty virus and has been suffering for the last week. It's been really tough, but we're still hanging in there. I let Hubby deal with the house and contractors, while I try to deal with the Little Man, for the most part. This is where the fears come out.

He was anxious one morning, so I sat with him while he sat on the potty and just waiting. Suddenly his eyes welled up with tears and he said, "you're not going to be my mommy forever."

Oh my goodness, I was floored. Where did this come from? Then he said, "we're never going back to the house...".
Ah, all these changes! He thought he would lose us, as well as the house.

I reassured him, "I will always be your mama forever, no matter how old you get. And you will always be my baby forever, no matter how big you get. And I promise, we will go back to house."

The fearful connections children make in their heads are so deep. I don't know that I could have anticipated that or better prepared him. We probably should have worked up to telling him we would be living away from the house a short time before. I mean, we mentioned it, but we never specifically explained all that would happen. 

I know for next time, but then again, I hope we don't have to go through so much upheaval in so little time ever again. I could never have predicted this much change coming all at once. We can only do our best under the circumstances. 

The R Word

I've used the word "retard" A LOT in my life, I won't lie. I didn't use it for people, but every *thing* that didn't work was "retarded." So it pretty much stood in for "broken" or "ridiculous." Why not say those actual words then?

Again, I won't lie, I still slip up now and then, but I'm working on it every day. I am working to eliminate a bad habit.

Why?

• Because it offends people. 
• Because medically, there have been times in my own son's development where he was delayed or "retarded" and I want it to stay a medical term and not an insult any more than having a broken leg or cancer is an insult.
• Because it's possible other people will tease my son using that word and I don't want him to hear that word coming out of his own mother's mouth. I am supposed to be a source of comfort, not of shame. 
• Because there are so many other words or ways I can express myself. 
• Because I am tired of hearing it thrown around so carelessly.

I don't need to come up with a lot of justification, I just need to be the change I want to see. 

Do you have a good reason NOT to join me?

Please sign the pledge here.

New Clothes AGAIN?

I swear to Krashnu, if my mom makes another comment about the quality of my milk or breast feeding, she is getting squirted in the eye.

I think she's jealous it's working for me when it didn't work for her...not that I believe she really tried anyways.

In other news, I need new clothes *again*. Despite my waistline being almost back to pre-pregnancy size, my hips have expanded, so my maternity pants are actually kinda tight. And my boobs have exploded even more than they did during pregnancy, so many of my tops don't fit. (Never in my life did I imagine I'd find a shirt that didn't fit my boobs. Usually my boobs are lost in the shirt. I've now gone from A34 to C36. This is ridiculous.)

Do I get to keep these boobs, btw? Though I think a B would be sufficient. I'd like to sleep on my stomach again.

Oh, in more positive news, I was able to lay down flat on top of Hubby, no belly in the way since what feels like an eternity. It was pure bliss. We made out and it felt like we were dating again.