Mentoring in the Workplace

This is a guest post by Dawn Marcotte*. I'd be interested to hear any feedback or experiences you'd like to share in the comments. Remember your comments can help others. 

"I got the job!"

What a great phrase to be able to say, but now what?

Getting the job is a huge accomplishment, keeping the job is now the goal.

The working world is filled with unwritten rules, company specific culture, and a whole new range of skills to be mastered. It also doesn't come with therapists or any of the support autistic kids generally get in school. However, a new job does come with a boss, peers and coworkers. This is where those hard won social skills will really come in handy.

Anyone who is new to a company should cultivate a relationship with the people they will be working with as well as with management. Some companies may provide a designated 'buddy' or mentor for new employees. If not, ask for one or ask one of the people around you if they would be willing to help you as you settle in to your new job. 

However, you may not be able to find a mentor right away.  Don't give up, you can actually develop relationships with several people, so that one person doesn't feel overwhelmed with questions.  Even if the company provides you with a designated mentor it is a good idea to build relationships with others in your department and throughout the company. No matter how good your skills are in you chosen industry, part of being successful at work is the social interactions required to do your job.

Written vs. Unwritten Rules

If a manual of office policies has been provided, read it. But don't be surprised if not all of the rules are followed. This is where it is time to ask others when you see a variance.  A simple phrase such as,

"I read in the manual we are supposed to dress business casual but I see others wearing jeans on Friday's. I wanted to be sure before I wore jeans that this it is okay."

When it is phrased like that others are not going to feel they are being accused of doing something they shouldn't and you will get clarification on one of those unwritten rules. There are times when rules change, but the manual hasn't been updated. Also, don't feel pressured to do what others are doing, if you are more comfortable following the rules, then follow them.

Communication

Another aspect of company culture is how the company likes to share information. Does your boss or mentor want you to email them your questions? Leave a voicemail? Have a face to face meeting? IM? 

The only way to find out is to ask. A favorite method of communication should be used for all communications, whether they are related to a job specific task or a general question.

When you are new to a position it is a good idea to ask your boss or HR manager how they want you to address any questions you may have.  Some bosses may want you to schedule a weekly meeting or some other rhythm for submitting questions and getting answers. Other bosses may expect you to just figure it out for yourself. If they expect you to figure it out you can do this by developing relationships with your coworkers and peers.

If you have been assigned a mentor it is a good idea to ask about anything you may have a question about. However, you don't want to pester people with a lot of questions so write them down first. Schedule a meeting with them to review the questions, writing down the answers so you can refer back to them later. If you have not been assigned a mentor you have a couple of other options.

Two people looking at a laptop computer

Choosing Your Mentor

Often when a new person starts the department may have some sort of welcome. They may introduce the other people in the department, have food or just introduce you in a meeting. However, you are introduced smile and make brief eye contact with as many of the people in the room as possible. 

Later you can approach them individually to introduce yourself and make a connection. Then as you begin working you can write down your questions. Once you have 2 or 3 questions you can approach one of the people and ask them, "I have a couple of quick questions. Do you have a moment you could spare to help me?"

You don't want to ask more than 3 questions at a time and you probably don't want to ask the same person more than once a day. This will help you avoid being seen as vulnerable or lacking confidence. If you are young and this is an entrance level position you may have a bit more leeway, because those around you know you lack life experience. 

Asking more than one person will also keep you from depending on one individual who may or may not be honest. Unfortunately there are bullies and hurtful people in the workforce. They may see you as a threat to them or just enjoy hurting others, but as the new person you won't know who those individuals are right away. By asking more than one person you begin to build relationships with others around you. 

Another option is actually using online groups. Forums such as WrongPlanet.net have an entire section devoted to adult life and working. Utilize the group to ask your questions and see what kind of feedback you get. You may be surprised at how much help other autistics can be even when they don't work at the same place you do.

Feedback

When you are asking questions and getting answers it can be a good time to ask for feedback on your own behavior. Ask about any habits you may have that others find offensive or that could lead to problems down the road. This could be something like speaking in too loud of a voice when you are on the phone, asking questions at the wrong times, wearing perfume that is too smelly or some meeting etiquette you are getting wrong. 

It has been my experience that most NT people are not prepared to answer this kind of question honestly when it addresses personal habits.They won't want to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad about yourself. They may feel more comfortable addressing job specific items. If you don't want to share your diagnosis you can simply say,

 "I know I have had some habits that drive my family crazy and I don't want to do the same thing at work so please tell me if there is something I need to do differently."

You may not want to ask this more than once to any one individual, but as you build working relationships with others you can remind them occasionally that you welcome any feedback they have for you to help you in the company. Traditionally this kind of feedback will come from either a manager or HR person if someone makes a complaint about you.

It is important to accept their feedback graciously with a simple, "Thank you for being honest, I will work on that." Then be sure to actually work on it and make changes as needed.

Being honest with managers and coworkers is the best policy. Being open about any issues or difficulties you may be having will help others feel more comfortable helping you. For example if the environment is louder than expected and you have trouble with that, talk to your manager and offer a solution you would like to try. Managers don't like to have employees complain when they don't have a solution, it is just one more problem for them to try to solve. However, if you say something like, 

"I have been having trouble concentrating at my desk because of the noise, would it be alright for me to wear noise cancelling earbuds so I can focus better?"  

This is a way to open the conversation and allow the manager or HR representative help you fix the problem, before it begins to affect your job performance. 

Keeping a job is about more than just doing the specific job tasks, it is also about building relationships with others. This takes time and effort, but is well worth it in terms of staying employed.

*Dawn Marcotte is the CEO of www.ASD-DR.com, a website designed to help teens and young adults on the spectrum live to their highest potential.

You may be interested in my other posts about being Autistic at work.

The Challenges of Employment

Today* I am at work and having a really rough time of it. I work full time (35 hours/week) plus I also do two freelance contracts on the side. I've had that arrangement since September and am frankly getting a little tired of it.

Today's issues aren't caused by that, however. I have a cold still, so I'm already tired and low on energy. I find myself very distracted. I'm cold (it's minus 28C with the windchill) and the combination of all this is giving me random panic attacks.

Back in my 20s, I would have said, "f-it!" and gone home (or just stayed home), but I'm toughing it out so I don't lose my job. I've lost/left many good jobs because of sensory or other issues.  I've learned that I'm no more useful if I stay home - by that I mean I wouldn't rest if I went there. So I might as well be here not resting than be there not resting.

I think a lot of us Autistics put a lot of pressure on ourselves to always do things right or correctly. Go big or go home! If I can't give 110% to the job, I would rather not do it. But I've learned to be more gentle on myself. I've come to realize many people don't put very much pride or effort into their everyday, so if I am "off my game" for one day, no one will actually care or notice.

I keep to myself on fragile days like these, knowing if I interact too much, I will come across as cranky (I am) and if really bad, may even regret an outburst. I exploded once here at work when in pain.

I have not eaten lunch, even though I am hungry. I am hypervigilant over the sensations in my stomach, since I am sick and scared something worse might happen. This is what happens when I am overwhelmed this way. I have managed to work through two panic attacks already and I will have to go home and go straight to bed, I think.

Not every day is like this at work, but I had more frequent panic attacks when younger and was frequently in and out of employment. The stats on Autistic adults working are around 12-16%, depending on the country. That makes me really lucky to have a job at all, and it doesn't surprise me.

If I didn't have my husband, I'm not sure how I would have survived my 20s. I needed someone to fall back on and support me when I couldn't cope.

I've been at my current workplace exactly two and a half years now - which is the longest I've been employed at any one place ever. (I had better success being self-employed, in terms of length of employment)

 It can be hard to slog through work everyday when there's already so much going on within your own head and how you experience the world. Not everyone can "tough it out" and that's not even desirable in the long run. My health is more important than money, but I have managed to get to a point in my life where I can be more gentle on myself and not try so hard to control all situations. I've become somewhat less rigid in my thinking.
There are days where I still feel I am stuck swimming upstream, but I don't have to make myself feel bad for those days. It's not my fault. All I can do is try to hang on and hope tomorrow is better. And it will be.

*Today is used loosely since I often schedule posts, so no need to comment and tell me to feel better when it's already most likely passed :) Not that I don't appreciate concern. 

Optimizing My Workplace

In my on-going effort to come out and make my workplace as suited to my needs as possible, I wrote out a list of little details I think will help others interact with me and understand me better.

I'm not specifically asking for any accommodation. They know I can function within their parameters. But I'm essentially telling them this is how to optimize how I work.

Here's the list I gave them:

1.    I am not ignoring you. Rather, I am often deep in thought, even if I look like I’m staring into space. Because of this, I do not always catch the beginning of a question, greeting or statement. Don’t be shy to repeat what you said, wave or tap me on the shoulder to get my full attention. It’s not because I don’t want to interact. Give me a second to disengage from whatever it was I was doing, so I can properly tune in to you. Also, speak slower.

2.    I lack the awareness to know if I should join into a group or meeting, so I need to be specifically asked or invited to join. I often do not join in, not because I don’t want to, but because I cannot tell if my presence is wanted/welcome.
Because of the above, I may also leave a situation abruptly or earlier than others, without much social grace. Again, I don’t intend to be rude. I really am that clueless.

3.    I am very firm in my beliefs and can become very passionate about getting my points across.  This outburst of passion is not anger or irritation and not directed at anyone personally. I am capable of judging ideas and separating that from the character of a person. I can completely disagree with something you say and still respect you as a person. You’ll find that once I’ve chosen you to be my friend, I am very loyal.

4.    My facial expressions may not always reflect my actual emotions. I suffer from “Resting Bitch Face” probably. Smiles and nervous laughter can mask sadness and fear. Despite my often stern or serious look, I have a quick sense of humour, and I am silly and open-minded. Not much fazes me and because I enjoy researching different aspects of human life, I feel like I’ve seen it all. In general, I like to play Devil’s Advocate and try not to judge. When I am angry for real though, I don’t hide it and you will know.

5.    I like to talk about music, health and medicine, alternative health and diet, motherhood and children, languages and grammar, travel, and religions.
I am not at all well-versed in fashion or make-up.  I dislike watching movies, so I tend not to get references to those things. I do like watching TV series like The Amazing Race, Sherlock, Orange is the New Black, Locked Up…
I have a fascination with prison life and the criminal mind.

6.    I consider myself to be androgynous. I do not care for stereotypical gender roles. I love cooking, baking, canning, sewing, knitting and playing guitar. But I also enjoy fixing minor issues on my car, installing things like ceiling fans and lights, plumbing, and general home maintenance.

7.    I really like making lists.
 

Coming Out Autistic

I decided to come out at work. My blog is listed on my LinkedIn profile. Most people probably don't bother to click, but I'd rather just be open. People keep saying they've never met an autistic adult. I'd argue they have, but never knew it because they don't realize when they're staring one in the face. So here's my face, for all to see!

I also figure, especially after reading Asperger's on the Job, that I have a lot to gain by informing my boss and team how to best work with me. I'm giving them the operating manual to my brain. I wrote out traits about myself and the way I prefer to work. 

We recently had a restructuring at work, and I have a completely new boss and team. I took it as a new beginning and opportunity to work differently. I don't have to hide parts of myself, or at least I hope. 

I told my boss first and gave him the book to read. On the plus side, he is dyslexic, so he was very understanding. However, it will take him a long time and a lot of effort to read the book. I should see if there's an audio version. 

Today I told one of my co-workers. He said he was surprised, but not totally. He said he had his suspicions, but I didn't get to ask him in detail. Not that it really matters, I'm just curious. Sometimes I wonder how obvious it is to others.

There's only one more person on my team to tell. I've dropped hints to others here and there, and then there's Nikki, who I went to the disability fair with who knows. 

So far everyone is cool and wants to know if there's something I need to make my job easier. I say I don't want any special treatment, but I do require some patience in some ways. For example, when I blurt out really blunt things, I need to not have people take it personally. I also am specifically telling them that I want to be included, but I need their help. I also rely on them to temper my honesty when dealing with other departments, so I don't divulge too much info, for example. I'm not great at the diplomatic business talk, so I need to write my ideas down, then have someone else filter through it and present it.
I'm totally ok with that. Things will just work more smoothly if we help each other out.

I'll keep you up to date with how things progress. Are you "out "at work? Why or why not?