The 2016 Au-Some Conference

I laughed, I cried, I spoke, I stimmed...I attended what I hope will be an annual conference organized by Autism Canada and Every1Games, the Au-Some Conference.

Months in the making, it was amazing working with other autistic adults to plan and make it happen. We had conference calls that left me with a great sense of community, and email exchanges where we were able to respectfully share our opinions on everything from the cost, format, location, vendors, speakers, food, and t-shirt design. Throughout it all, we had the support of Autism Canada, who brought us all together. Planning and discussions were broken up into easy chunks, so the process did not seem overwhelming. Sub-committees were created to have people focused on certain parts of planning as well. This took a great load off my shoulders since I still work full-time. However, our input as being the authorities on the autistic experience were always taken into account and respected.

A big thank you to everyone who took part in the t-shirt fundraiser (which I'm wearing in the video) or contributed to Autism Canada during the campaign. It paid for my airfare and hotel to attend the conference, so I really appreciate that.

I am also grateful for the many new connections I made at this year's conference, as well as seeing many people from last year's conference. When I say I laughed and cried, I really mean it. There's a wonderful sense of community and belonging being able to be with people who really understand you - your tribe. Even without knowing every person there, I know I can be myself and I enjoy seeing other autistics comfortable and in their element.

So without further ado, here is the video of my talk at the conference. Not the best presentation, in my mind, as I had a cold and hadn't practiced my speech at all (oops!). But my words were well thought out and that's what matters. So look past the way it was delivered and listen to what I have to say. I hope it inspires and encourages you!



Kelly Johnson (2016) Autism at Work from Autism Canada on Vimeo.

https://vimeo.com/album/4154026/video/183538493

7 Things Every Boss Should Know About Their Autistic Employees

You may or may not know it, but if you're a decent-sized company, you have Autistic people working for you. We don't always announce ourselves as such, but we're there.
Here are some tips for optimizing the workplace, but it all comes down to treating each individual as valuable and with respect.

1) If you're not sure about our mood from our facial expressions, just ask, don't assume. I tend to rub my head a lot, the way people do when they have a headache, so it worries people who don't know me. I also tend to look very serious. It just means I'm thinking or concentrating. Ask if you aren't sure - don't just think we're in a bad mood all the time or angry at you.

2) Give us alternatives or choices in how we work or organize our workstation. If it doesn't disturb anyone else, let us sit on a therapy/exercise ball, stand, or sit cross-legged. For example, I often sit on my office chair but on my feet and legs. I have even sat on the floor cross-legged in certain offices. If the person is not greeting clients, try to have some flexibility in how they present themselves. Focus on the productivity and happiness of your employees and less about the method or presentation.

3) Encourage us to take breaks and eat, but don't Mother us. If it weren't for others getting up around me and leaving, I often forget to take a break. I do realize I am hungry at some point, but I will often just eat at my desk. Encourage us to get up and stretch our legs, take a bathroom break or eat. Sometimes we are so focused, we forget. Some of us will also have to be told when to go home.

4) If you want us to be involved, you need to directly ask us. I do not assume when someone says, "who wants to go for lunch?" that they want me to join them. I am used to being alone and left out, so I usually just think I am not wanted around. If you want to include me, you need to actually come up to me, say my name and ask. If I tag along but do not say much, it's because I don't know what to say or when to jump in a conversation, but it doesn't mean I'm not enjoying myself.

5) Privately tell us if we've been inappropriate in speech or manner. If our hygiene is not up to snuff, we stand too close to people when we talk, or we've said something rude, take us aside privately and tell us simply. In other words, be direct, but kind. Don't use euphemisms or hint at issues. Even though it can be hard to say, you really do need someone to clearly tell us where we have erred because we honestly don't always know when we've offended and without you pointing it out to us, we can't change.

6) Understand that if we ask for specific accommodations we are not just being spoiled or difficult. Some perfumes and colognes give me migraines. I will not be able to stay at a job I like for very long if my co-workers give me migraines with their scents. Consider making a blanket rule for everyone. Or, as a compromise in one office I worked at, people were not allowed to spray perfume at their desks; they could do that in the bathroom. I was able to manage as long as perfume wasn't being sprayed all around me. Similarly, if we need noise cancelling headphones or ear plugs to function, please allow us those things.

7) We will be your most loyal employees when you let us use our talents and knowledge to their full extent. I have a meticulousness and eye for detail like no one else in my department. I'm really good at finding bugs and problems. Rather than get upset that there are bugs in the code, encourage your employee to keep finding more if that's what they're good at. I wasn't hired to do that, but my workplace is cool enough to let me use my skills to their advantage. There are few things worse than a bored employee who feels like they're wasting their talents, so find out what each individual is good at and let them shine.

You may be interested to read all my other posts about Autistics at work.

Coming Out Autistic

I decided to come out at work. My blog is listed on my LinkedIn profile. Most people probably don't bother to click, but I'd rather just be open. People keep saying they've never met an autistic adult. I'd argue they have, but never knew it because they don't realize when they're staring one in the face. So here's my face, for all to see!

I also figure, especially after reading Asperger's on the Job, that I have a lot to gain by informing my boss and team how to best work with me. I'm giving them the operating manual to my brain. I wrote out traits about myself and the way I prefer to work. 

We recently had a restructuring at work, and I have a completely new boss and team. I took it as a new beginning and opportunity to work differently. I don't have to hide parts of myself, or at least I hope. 

I told my boss first and gave him the book to read. On the plus side, he is dyslexic, so he was very understanding. However, it will take him a long time and a lot of effort to read the book. I should see if there's an audio version. 

Today I told one of my co-workers. He said he was surprised, but not totally. He said he had his suspicions, but I didn't get to ask him in detail. Not that it really matters, I'm just curious. Sometimes I wonder how obvious it is to others.

There's only one more person on my team to tell. I've dropped hints to others here and there, and then there's Nikki, who I went to the disability fair with who knows. 

So far everyone is cool and wants to know if there's something I need to make my job easier. I say I don't want any special treatment, but I do require some patience in some ways. For example, when I blurt out really blunt things, I need to not have people take it personally. I also am specifically telling them that I want to be included, but I need their help. I also rely on them to temper my honesty when dealing with other departments, so I don't divulge too much info, for example. I'm not great at the diplomatic business talk, so I need to write my ideas down, then have someone else filter through it and present it.
I'm totally ok with that. Things will just work more smoothly if we help each other out.

I'll keep you up to date with how things progress. Are you "out "at work? Why or why not?

Adult ASD Test - The Results

Note: The other steps in my testing can be found here and here.

I FINALLY have my results in my hand!

First of all, I want to acknowledge there are lots of pros and cons to getting officially tested and there are a few other bloggers who have given very sage advice. I'll link to them here when I find them again.

For me, so far I see a HUGE benefit because I got more information than I was expecting. In addition to clarifying my ASD-status, I was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). This is great information. I've been recommended to see an OT to get some help for myself. I feel like I'm finally being heard, understood and better able to understand myself. It's amazing to realize all sort of things in  my life had a reason - that I'm not crazy! I can't really explain how freeing that is. It feels like I am just blossoming and with the right help, I can be even better than I was before.

Some people call their diagnosis date their New Birthday. I totally get that now.

I've spent the last few years getting the right help for my son. It's my turn now (he's doing really well!) and it's a really great feeling.

Happy New Birthday to ME! 

How To Parent Like An Autistic Parent

I see some benefits to being an Autistic mom, so I'm sharing my amazing wisdom. lol. You can't change your brain, but you can change your behaviour.
Wanna parent like me? Give these ideas a try:

1) Have a kid for the right reasons

A child is not an extension of yourself. A child is not there to love you, to complete you, to help you work out your childhood issues, to care for you when you get old or to be your friend. Have a kid because you like the idea of raising a new person to be the best person they can be, without any tethers or expectations on your end. Your job is to help this being reach its full potential, whatever that is, and to love them like there's no tomorrow. When it comes time, let them go be themselves on their own, but leave the door of love and support open when they need it. When you are old and frail, you may be lucky enough to have them care for you well, but their only real job, should be to be happy, well-adjusted adults with all the tools they need to reach their destiny. Your ego has no part in it.
If you're looking for something to love you, spoil and dress up, get a dog.

2) Have some empathy

Neurotypicals sure talk big talk about having empathy, but can be really lousy at it! It should be noted that Autistics don't lack all types of empathy (and yes, there is more than one type!), just cognitive empathy. In other words, we can't read minds, so we can't predict what people will do next. It doesn't help that a lot of people lie and say one thing, then do another. It gets tiring and confusing trying to figure y'all out! Anyway, we Autistics have a whole lot of affective and compassionate empathy, maybe too much. When someone says, "I feel your pain" I can really feel other people's pain. It can be hard to shake off someone else's strong emotions. You should have seen me in bereavement group, bawling for everyone else's losses like they were my own.

Anyway, grow more compassionate empathy for your child. I find NT people often project feelings or underhanded motivations onto their kids that aren't there. Children can be manipulative underhanded little snots now and then (and guess who they learn it from if that's the case....) but the vast majority of the time, their needs and wants are very simple, guided by simple thought processes. They are not actively trying to annoy you. They simply don't know of a better way to get their needs met, especially if you're in the habit of ignoring them in the first place.

Infants/babies are even more innocent. They are not up screaming at night because they hate your guts and want to see you suffer. They are only trying to communicate. And if you have a bit more empathy and see things from their point of view a bit more, you'll have less screaming and frustration in the first place.

I don't understand why people have babies and then seem to want to spend so much time away from them. The child is born helpless and they take it and put it alone in a crib, far from the scent, sound and touch of the mommy it was just with for the last 9 months. Doesn't that sound traumatizing? Imagine being plopped into this bright, loud, scary world - no one speaks your language and the only familiar thing to you keeps moving away from you, sticking you in a stroller and pushing you around? Actually, being in a bright, loud, scary world is often how Autistics see it, so maybe that's why I can empathize with babies!
I or my husband, held our son pretty much constantly as a baby because I 1) didn't want him far from me, and 2) didn't want him to feel abandoned and confused. He still cried a lot, but he did it in someone's loving arms, never alone.

My point with all this is from the beginning, trust your baby just wants to be with you and be understood, and don't read anything else into the relationship.

3) Listen for "I Love You" in other ways

Spend more time saying, "I love you" to your child and really showing it, and less time waiting for, prompting, forcing or expecting them to say it. If they want to say the words, at some point they will say them. But keep your eyes open, because they say it hundreds of times a day without you even noticing! When they are in unfamiliar territory and they cling to your leg, that's "I love you." When they're not sure of something and they look over at you to see your facial expression, that's "I love you." When they shove food in your face, that's "I love you." When they parrot back every single thing you say, that's "I love you." When they cry when you pick them up from daycare, that's a really big "I love you." When you sing and for one brief moment they stop, or sway or turn towards your voice, that's "I love you." I could go on, but there are so many ways.
Trust that your child loves you and does so all the time. Again, it's not about your ego. Hearing the words should not make or break you. Instead of forcing your language on them, learn theirs. Now that's love.

4) Respect their bodily autonomy

This is getting longer than I thought, so I might do a part two, if anyone is interested. Let me know in the comments!

Adult ASD Test - Part 2

I had the second part of my ASD testing done in August and I'm still waiting for the official results. I will get them sometime in September, after the psychologist has prioritized all the kids who need evaluations at the beginning of the school year. Being a parent, I am totally cool with that!

I've found some tests online and I got this result:

Your Aspie score: 137 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 57 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

I find the online tests much less grueling than the in-person test with a psychologist.

She had me do some puzzles and look at pics and describe them. Then she made me tell a story on the fly and I had a hard time with that. I thought it was horrible actually. But it's all in the name of science!

What a lot of this testing has done is point out all the little things that make me different. If anything, it's an exploration of understanding myself better. It may also explain why I have absolutely no success making new friends. More and more, it makes me wonder about my dad also.

Montreal Meet Up

Are there any Autistic adults who would like to meet up in Montreal? I started a meetup group: http://www.meetup.com/ASDAdults/

Autistic Adults: Finding A Job

It seems some companies are realizing what a lot of people already knew - some people on the spectrum have highly prized skills:



The New York Times has coverage also.

Belgian company, Passwerk, employs people on the spectrum.

I think it's great and if you've ever been inside a tech company, you will be quick to be able to diagnose a whole bunch of people with ASD. I'm not saying all tech people are on the spectrum, but I think you'll find a high percentage are.

I think in the future, it makes sense to use people for their strengths and not wasting time making people do tasks they're not suited to. I think this is good for any company. There will always be a few "Jack/Jane of all trades" kind of people and they're just as needed. But for those who can specialize and are quite happy to do it, there should be a place for them! So what if his social skills aren't the best?

He's not at work to be the life of the party, he's there to find bugs in your code - bugs no one else found. That's amazing. That's a money-saver, a time-saver, and maybe even a life-saver. Some people's skills are priceless.

Who knows what the future holds for our kids? But there's always hope our Autistic children will grow into Autistic adults who can be productive members of society.

EDIT: More companies jump on board.