Picky, Selective, Autistic Eating

So many parents stress over their child's diet. I get it, I'm a mom, too.

"He only eats chicken nuggets and bread."

Usually when someone says, "they only eat...." that list becomes not just two things, but slowly expands to five, even 10 things. Yet they still complain, "but no veggies" or "they don't eat meat."

What I'm about to say isn't going to make me popular, but here goes: WHO CARES?

Plenty of people in the world don't eat meat. There are tons of adults who eat little to no veggies or fruit. Is it totally optimal? No, maybe not, but is your diet optimal? I'm going to bet you don't get the 7-10 daily servings of fruits and vegetables Canada's Food Guide recommends. So are you holding your children to a different standard than you hold yourself?

Are you able to fill in some gaps with fruit/veggie smoothies, vitamins or supplements? My son will drink Pediasure and take his essential fatty acids in liquid form. I don't sweat the rest.

There are a few concepts I'd like you to be aware of when it comes to Autistics eating:

1) Eating can be part of routine or rituals, so the whole routine is needed in order to keep anxiety down. The food itself may or may not bring as much comfort as the rituals around it do.

2) For some eating is comforting and the taste/texture is satisfying a sensory need. For others, eating is simply a means to an end. Depending on how my sensory system is working one day, I can truly enjoy food, and another I'm eating only because I know I want to stay alive, but everything tastes like cardboard.

3) We might need to eat alone to feel comfortable.

4) We might not tolerate a whole sandwich, but would be fine to take it apart and eat it. Allowing us to "pick at food" might be worth it if you want us to eat.

5) Many of us eat with our hands. Yes, even us adults.

6) We know how we feel after eating certain foods. We know what we can digest and what brings us discomfort. We avoid things that bring us discomfort. We don't have to have an intolerance or allergy in order to suffer from discomfort. If you know corn makes you bloat and gives you gas, you probably avoid it or eat less of it. We do the same! Fancy that!

It's especially because of #6 that I don't believe in "hiding" foods in other foods because you want your child to ingest something. Don't sneak broccoli into chocolate muffins. Don't put ground up meat in pasta sauce. That's a really good way to get your child to stop eating their preferred foods and make them feel sick.
Trust we know our bodies and what makes us feel well and comfortable in our own skin.

There's no "one bite" rule in my house. Looking at a new food, touching it, smelling it, licking it and biting it and then spitting it out are all valid explorations of food. My son is always offered different foods and he's certainly welcome to try, but never forced. Put a new food on a plate in front of your child and leave the room if it disturbs you too much to watch them not eat it. Eating should not be a pressured, coerced or stressful situation.

Let them explore it (or not!) as they wish. Then let them eat what they want to eat. My son eats nut butter sandwiches every day. Lunch and dinner. That's what he likes. So be it. Eventually he will branch out to something else. Peanut butter comes in 1kg tubs and is quite affordable. Why should I stress?

I know that just like I did, he'll eventually eat a greater variety of foods as he matures. Or maybe not. But we're not there yet.

So my advice is really to not make stress for yourself where none needs to be and respect the fact we eat what works for us, in ways that work for us and are comforting.

The New Year's Eve Emergency Banana

Happy New Year, everyone! We are still on vacation and having lots of exciting adventures in Florida.

We love coming to Florida - this is trip number four for us!





Out of all our adventures so far this stay, I think this story is the best and happened just last night.

Hubby sometimes gets really bad migraines (especially when he eats gluten, which has been difficult to avoid during this trip, but we're working at it). He got one yesterday evening, which was New Year's Eve. To get some quiet from us, he left our hotel room and went downstairs to a Starbucks to drink lots of coffee, which seems to help. That left me and the Little Man alone to figure out dinner.

Now the Little Man also has a bit of a cold, so he is more picky than usual and all he wanted to eat for supper was a banana. I did not have a banana. This was an emergency. We both needed to eat supper and it was pretty cool and windy outside. I called room service and even though they apparently serve bananas for breakfast, there were no bananas to be found in the whole hotel!

Normally, since two of us would be around to watch him, only one of us would have to venture out, but being alone, I had no choice but to get the Little Man bundled up and head out in search of a banana. I was desperate for a banana. I would pay good money for a banana.

Since it was NYE night, we were staying on the A1A strip (for those who know the Vanilla Ice song, that's "beach front avenue!"). It's a busy strip of hotels by the beach and not much else other than drunk tourists in bikinis. Where to find a banana? By now it was after 7pm - way past the Man's supper time and not too many choices. We ventured out with the stroller and I did the most logical thing I could think of - walk to the next hotel over and hope for the best. The neighbouring hotel was a Ritz Carlton.

We were greeted at the door and had the doors held open for us. When the Little Man saw the lobby, he said, "wow!" Wow, yes indeed! It was quite beautiful.

I waited patiently at the front desk for someone to serve me. Jeffrey, his name tag said, came to my aid.
"How can I help you?"
"This may sound weird, but I really need a banana," I said, with all seriousness. "It's an emergency," I added.
"A banana? Sure, no problem. I can get that for you!" He didn't look at me like I was crazy, much to my surprise, and he asked a bellhop to fetch us a banana.

While we were waiting, he pulled out a wagon full of packaged toys and asked if my son would like to select one.
Oh, of course. Let me see.
Feeling a little awkward about all this generosity, I let the Little Man out of the stroller to take a look. He picked up a few, but then somehow, which his special laser vision skills, he found a train set. He happily selected the train set and sat back down in the stroller. Suddenly, my knight in shining armour arrives, with not one, but two bananas for us. I was so happy, I almost cried with joy.

I thanked Jeffrey profusely and wished him a happy New Year. We left the hotel with our train set and bananas and dinner was saved!

Best lesson learned in the last hours of 2012: if you need a banana like it's an emergency, walk into a Ritz Carlton hotel.

Also, a few hours later, Dada came back to the room in much better shape. We put the Little Man to bed and then watched the ball drop in Times Square on TV, like we do every year. Then we admired the fireworks set off all over the beach and the city from the comfort of our hotel room. It was lovely. 

Picky Eaters: How Many Meals Do You Make Each Night?

No, our dinner table doesn't look like this every night!

We've seen a nutritionist, a psychologist and an occupational therapist solely to help with my son's eating issues and while they've helped to some extent, things are still not perfect.

 The Little Man has made great strides and is more adventurous, but when I asked him what his favourite foods were he said, "fries and cheese." Ok, so poutine basically. He's really got French Canadian blood in his veins!



 So basically, because of our schedules, Hubby cooks dinner most nights. He tries unsuccessfully to feed the child whatever he makes for us first and then ends up making something else on the child will eat - like a sandwich or "cheesey noodles," or a hardboiled egg.

I know this must get tiring, making two meals. The question of "what will the Little Man eat tonight?" is a constant. But, when he eats, all is well, so making two meals isn't really that big a deal. Or is it?

If you ask the larger society out there with neurotypical children, I've heard people say they would never make two meals and the child goes to bed hungry. I find it LESS stressful if we just feed him what he wants. Then we are all happy. 

 I just wonder if people think we're crazy and maybe think we look like this?

 Or this?

I just prefer that mealtimes not be a battle and let him have his way in this case. I think there will be plenty of time when he gets older to be more adventurous and I'd rather not make meals into fights. Don't get me wrong - he doesn't have complete control - it's not like we let him eat chocolate pudding and chips for dinner. It's within reason. There are limits, but the limits still give him enough of a feeling of control that it doesn't turn into a struggle - as many things often can with a three-year-old! 

I guess what I'm saying is we set healthy limits and compromise so that we can all be happy.

So what are mealtimes like for you? Do you make more than one meal for your kids?