Fidget Cube Unboxing

Two white fidget cube boxes side by side

Hey everyone! I bought two fidget cubes to have me and the Little Man try them out. I didn't give him his yet, but I made a little unboxing video so you can see all the features and decide for yourself if you want one! 

Grey and black fidget cube sitting in bottom half of opened box

 Watch my video to see it in action!

My Adult Stims

Autistic children often have very noticeable stims - kids aren't known for being discrete or hiding aspects of themselves. I think all kids pick their noses or scratch their butts in public without a care in the world. It's not until we bring it to their attention that this is not how we behave in public that they start to police their own behaviour, and each society has different norms about what is acceptable.

So with Autistic kids, the only difference is that some of their actions or behaviours are different from NT children, but over time they too can often find "acceptable" outlets. Of course, what is acceptable to one is not to another. I also believe that stims have a purpose, so my philosophy is very simple: if it doesn't harm another person or themselves, it is acceptable. 
(Of course, we can also get into a debate about what constitutes as "harm" but let's keep it simple for today)

All this to say, I had a lot of stims as a child that I grew out of or found socially acceptable methods to carry them out without attracting attention. Because until society changes, Autistic people have to go into stealth mode in order to either not attract attention or become victims of violence. That is just a fact about the way the world is today. If you don't like it, help me change it!

Also, people seem to have this perception that if one does not "look or act" Autistic (whatever that means!) then the person is "cured." I don't think people can be cured of autism, we just find better ways of masking ourselves to fit in.  So I wanted to bring awareness to some of my adult behaviour, or ways I can go "hidden" or at least, not so visible on the radar in order to be productive in the outside world and keep myself safe.

-I do still flap on occasion. I have to be either really happy or angry. I don't even notice I'm doing it until someone else points it out (usually by laughing at me).

-I hum/sing the same part of a song over and over again or make bizarre noises with my throat. This annoys my husband, so I try to reserve this for when I'm alone, but it does still come out now and then.

-Listening to loud music - to lose myself or just really enjoy. Often while alone in my car.

-I curl myself up into a ball and rock. (Again, this is usually a "in the comfort of home" thing, but I have found myself doing it at parties, which gets me stared at)

-I bite my nails. Not a great habit, but one that a person can do anywhere and not be looked down upon too much.

-I chew gum. Again, not everyone likes gum chewers, but still socially acceptable enough in most places. I'm not loud about it, but I need to do it for stimulation. I usually chew gum while driving or during my afternoon slump at work.

-I have some tics or twitches, where I crack my neck or wrists.

-I wear fidget rings. Days I've forgotten to wear them to work result in anxiety attacks, so this is another *must* stim for me.

If you'll notice, adult stims are pretty innocuous and even NTs do them, but I think the difference for me is that they are very important to my well-being and capability to deal with life. I know that not being able to stim results in high anxiety for me. So reducing or controlling a stim would come at a high cost.

So even if an adult Autistic does not "look" like they are struggling or stimming, it's often just that we've found alternative ways to hide it and keep going. There are severe consequences for those who don't - loss of job, threats of violence from strangers, just to name a few.

What Is It About Trains Anyway?

Little Man playing with his new train set

Three people gifted the Little Man train sets for his birthday. Of course! Why not? They all know him so well. He loves trains and we have no problem with this.

Maybe he will be a train engineer, or maybe a train mechanic. Who knows? But we know this man loves his trains!

I used to watch Thomas and Friends as a kid also. I grew up with the ones narrated by Ringo Starr. I liked the stories, but I don't think I liked them for quite the same reasons. I like all the detail in the models and scenery. Looking at all those tiny replicated villages, with tiny cars and tiny people going about their day. I love the amount of detail enthusiasts put into that stuff.

It's also no surprise that many, many Autistic people like trains, so I finally asked my son what exactly is it about them that is so fascinating?

The Little Man told me they are strong. Yes, they are!

Then he also told me they are fast, and he made his visual stim motion where he moves his hands or a train in front of his eyes, closely and quickly. Ah ha! That visual of fast trains speeding by in front of you, which makes me dizzy trying to keep up, that's what he loves.

Then I remembered my childhood and how I used to hyperfocus on the smallest of things. I used to watch ants (my special interest was entomology) and observe closely. I could see their little antennae and eyes. And I realize now that detail is my visual stim. I've always had an eye for detail - still do - which is probably why I love editing. Then I realized how lucky I am to be in a job that stimulates exactly what I need and like. How's that for an interesting train of thought?

Gluten Free You and Me

It's been over a month now since we as a family decided we'd all experiment being gluten-free. We took to it with varying levels of determination. Because of my wheat allergy, I had already avoided a lot of wheat/gluten products, but I cheated a lot and just lived with the consequences. We also made allowances for my mother coming over with cookies for the Little Man and it wasn't right away that we found gluten-free Kraft Dinner. Hubby cheated when he was hungry at work and only has access to the  food court. Eventually we all decided to work a little harder at it.

We stocked up on gluten-free pastas and gave our regular unopened wheat pasta to the food bank, along with the KD. (I know poor people must have enough KD, but I wasn't about to throw it out!)
Most of our recipes weren't an issue and I just had to find desserts and snacks that were GF. I started out buying them because even though they are expensive, I just didn't have time or the ingredients on hand to start reinventing the wheel. Even now, I prefer a GF cake mix and make a cake or brownies about once a week. It's because I'm a dessert fiend! I need cakes and cookies!

We've found GF bread and hamburger buns, but not hotdog buns or bagels. I would really love a GF bagel! Anyone know where to get those?

I was surprised to find even cream of ____ soups had gluten in them! Argh, so frustrating. I figured the amounts are so low in those that we'd finish off what we had and just replace them with GF versions. Or I'll start making more things from scratch, which is better anyway!

Seeing as we've slipped up now and then, I'm really surprised by the results so far. Hubby hasn't had a massive migraine since. None! This is very odd for him since he usually gets one or two a month. He's had headaches, but nothing near as bad and just a few Tylenol fix it. He says he feels good in general, and that he's been less hungry. He may have even lost some weight.

I notice when I slip right away now. My neck aches and then I get a headache. I also get constipated again. It makes me realize that I was living in constant inflammation before and just got used to it, I guess. Which is just nuts when I think about it! I also think gluten makes me tired (along with the headache) so it's really not worth it for me to cheat any more.

We have noticed when we slipped up with the Little Man, he went crazy. Like, off the wall stimming crazy. So it's worth it to avoid it with him and keep him calmer.

It has meant that I am forced to snack on healthier things like bananas and grapes (I love SWEETS) and not worry about the stares I get at restaurants (I ordered a tofu burger without the bun!).

All in all, I think we're all happier (and probably healthier) for it. It has taken a bit more thought, planning and will power (at least for me. It's hard when I see pastries) but it is worth it for us.

Does My Humming Disturb You?

One thing I noticed for the first time during our road trip to Toronto (probably because we hardly go anywhere with the child these days) is people staring/looking when he hums.

My son is like a beautiful little humming bird

He hums, in my opinion, because he's happy and it's stimming and calming. I have no problem with his humming. I actually kinda like it. It is rather loud and it's not a tune, it's more like a long monotone hum. Kind of like an AUM (sometimes I tune him to aum and we harmonize together, but he usually does his own thing).





Anyway, so people stare when he does this. Hubby reasons they may find it annoying because it's not a normal sound to come out of most people (I guess humming songs is socially acceptable, but humming one tone is not?) or they stare wondering why we don't tell him to shut up. I don't know, maybe I should ask someone next time they stare. Because again, it doesn't bother me and I see no reason to offer an explanation. What do I need to explain? He's humming, he's happy, what's the problem? He's not picking his nose and sticking it in your ear. And frankly, we're not in a library, we're in a loud food court (another reason he might be humming in the first place, to counteract that stimulus) and he's not the loudest noise in here.

Or maybe they just can't stop looking at his mesmerizing green eyes and that's why they're looking at us? I have the same problem :)

Different is Not Wrong

I'm kind of amazed at the advice out there for parents with auties. I mean amazed in the sense that a lot of it is obvious - at least to us. Some sites talk about stimming behaviours and how to work with them. They even have names for them. We just called them "Crazy time!"

I'm going to guess a lot of parents tried to stop their kids from doing these things, but we've learned from experience that when they are actively encouraged, they last less time or sometimes disappear completely. And I've always just assumed he was doing them because either he needed to or just plain liked it. Sure, it's best to figure out the underlying cause - sometimes they can do it because of pain, but sometimes he could just be bored. As long as he does things in a way that is safe, I don't think it really matters.

But it is sort of interesting to read that other kids do the same thing and to understand why he'll get all revved up before bedtime. (Auties lack the perception of social cues before bedtime, like dimming the lights, being quiet, so there's no point in doing those things with him - as we've already figured out on our own!) He likes to do what's called "crashing" - running or falling into objects (luckily, usually the bed or the couch, but sometimes the floor). Sometimes I feel like I should just live in a giant padded house.

I can deal with the hand flapping, except when he wants to share the experience and does it in my face - which is very nice and generous of him and I'm sure it's great for him, just not for me!

Since I put on the two twisty knobs in the kitchen, he's greatly reduced his spinning. Maybe partly because he can no longer get a rise out of me when doing it. Really, I am a patient mom with all the other weird behaviours, but him spinning my kitchen knobs just gets under my skin in the worst way.

I am just very much against stopping him from being him. He is quirky, he is different, but it's not something to be restrained. As far as I'm concerned, if it hurts no one and distracts no one, it's fine. I'm saying he should be able to control himself on a public bus or at school (he should not stop other kids from learning), but he should be free to do what he needs to do for self-stimulation at home or any other appropriate place. He takes me as I am. It only seems fair I take him as he is. 

Don't Stop The Stimming

This is a sad, but poignant article written by an autistic adult about how she was forced to stop her stimming behaviours.

It is beautifully written prose and clearly explains how she was hurt and silenced.

It should serve as a reminder to everyone to allow your child to express themselves in the way they know how and that makes them comfortable.

What do you think after reading it?

Lending a Stimming Hand

We've figured out that when the Little Man starts stimming, we can quickly calm it by rubbing his face and head vigorously. I guess because of his hypo-sensory issues, he doesn't feel it and needs a reminder now and then? Anyway, doing that a couple of times a day at the first signs eliminates the whole running around and bashing his head into furniture bit. Also eliminates the need for a crash helmet and floor to ceiling padding.

Anyway, the other day, Hubby was sitting on the couch and tapping his foot. Little Man went up to him and patted him on the head. LOL. I guess he thought Hubby was stimming (maybe he was!).