Making Peace With Infertility

We went to the fertility clinic yesterday to discuss PGD. I had thought (hoped?) it would bring us better odds than our 25% live birth chances, but no. It would raise our chances to about 31%. I've decided that pumping my body full of chemicals to get a 6% higher chance of a live birth is not worth it. (Though the Fentanyl and Valium combo they give you for egg retrieval sounds like it could be fun!)

Not only that, but our clinic (and doctor I love) doesn't do PGD anyway. We've have to go on the year-long waiting list at Ovo or the Montreal General. None of this appeals to me.

He gave us our genetic reports that he received from the Jewish. These ones are not "dumbed down" like the copy we received was. I am most depressed by this line: "individuals (like me) found to carry this translocation would likely be at increased risk for multiple miscarriages or for having a child with mental retardation/malformations."

I know I know this already and it's not news, but it's been 4 years since I read it. It still makes me cry. Not only that, but our "dumbed down" copy doesn't say mental retardation, it says "developmental delay of unspecified nature" or something like that.

It is hard to be brave and try to get pregnant when you know you will most likely loose it. It is harder to be brave and accept the fact we could have a mentally retarded child. The Little Man has been a "challenge" and he's not even retarded. (He was at one point delayed/retarded in some aspects, but now he's just considered "late" or "slow") I love these stupid PC terms!

Oh man, (secondary) infertility sucks!
I need to make peace with the fact we got really lucky once and that will be it.

More Adoption Set Backs

In news of annoying set backs, we found out we can't put an adopted/fostered child in the same room as a biological child. So we'd have to clear out The Little Man's old room, which would mean we'd have to pay for storage again or just move. Not that it matters anyway because I'm disqualified from a child this year now because my father just died. We have to wait 1 year after a "traumatic event" to even be considered. I miss my dad, but I'm not traumatised. We've been trying to adopt since 2008 - this has nothing to do with my dad and never has. So I'm a little annoyed. I'm just starting to feel like they'll just come up with *anything* to slow the process down.
It's looking more and more like I'll have to get knocked up again if we want a child in any reasonable amount of time. Unless someone has a better idea? I guess if I were rich I could just pick one up in Malawi or something :s

QC is paying for three cycles of IVF now, so we could get PGD and while I could still miscarry, at least we have some assurance it's not a genetic mutant. But then Clomid has been linked to birth defects now, so are we really better off? Not to even mention all the weirdness that stuff would do to *my* body. Blargh!

Sometimes I wonder why some women are like the Duggars with like 20 kids and some women have so much trouble.

Ack, my friend just posted pics of her new baby and I have a new niece or nephew due any second now. My uterus is talking to me....