What April Does to #ActuallyAutistic People

We're only a few days into the month of April but already Autistic people are running for the hills. It starts with the dread during the final weeks of March. We know what is going to happen.

April is Autism Awareness Month, with April 2nd being the official UN Autism Acceptance Day. Or Awareness. I'm no longer even sure myself. Depending on who you talk to, you're supposed to either accept or be aware (beware?) of Autistics.

Of course, added to all this is Autism $peaks and their Light It Up Blue. Because blue is for boys and females are never autistic!

In response, a lot of Actually Autistic people started #RedInstead. There's also Light It Up Gold, by the Autistic Union (Au, for gold, get it!?)

So there's just a whole lot of posts and memes going around (oops, I'm in the mix as well!), a lot of opinions on which colours should be lit up, a lot of arguing, a lot of blatant ableism, a lot of hurt feelings, friendships lost, energy wasted and on and on and on.

It seems my Actually Autistic friends fall into one of two categories: 1) they either post CONSTANTLY about which side you should be on and if you wear the wrong colour, they'll hate you forever; or 2) go into hiding for the month of April to preserve their sanity.

There's no right or wrong way. Everyone has to do what is best for them, but it does kinda suck for me because I want my friends back - both types, the vocal ones and the quiet ones. Both are hurting. Some express it outwardly and some keep it inside, but April is a tough month. Either way, we're getting hurt because we know there is so much work to do to change attitudes and we are bombarded by messages.

Please understand while many of us are proud of our neurology, proud to be Autistic, and even proud to have your support, this month can be overwhelming and we might be tired of hearing any more about it. Some of us are also without the friendship of the people who understand us best during this time, and that's not always easy to handle either.

Hoping for a day where this month does more to help us than harm us. 

Back to Work!

I signed my offer and had my first day at a new job today!

I had been freelancing since I quit my other job at the end of February. While I got a lot accomplished, I also became very scattered and disorganized. I didn't manage my time very well and I felt like I could not give my best to the various contracts I was trying to juggle. Plus, not being able to predict how things would go long term didn't really sit well with me.

Yellow text that says "back to work" against a background image of a building.

So while I just reaffirmed that I don't like the hustle and unknown of freelancing, it still allowed me to catch up on some other things I wanted to.

It allowed me to spend a bit more time with the Little Man and become a bit more involved at his school. I went on two school outings with him and was able to take him to OT once a week after school. That time also gave Hubby a break - not just time-wise, but also not having any extra worry, knowing I was there with him.

I also watched all three seasons of House of Cards (omg! I need someone to talk to about this!).

I learned a lot from the other contracts I took on. I realized in some ways I knew more than I thought I did, and in others I had stagnated at my old work. So freelancing gave me a fresh perspective.

In the end, I decided I needed the structure of an outside office, with a routine. I seem to do my best work that way. I went to A LOT of interviews, thought a lot about my options and in the end, went with a company that knew almost everything about me before I even stepped in for the interview. See, this HR was smart and checked me out online first. As you can tell, I don't hide a lot of stuff about myself. Some details I keep private, but when it comes to my advocacy and my opinions, I'm pretty much an open book.
So it was wonderful and refreshing to see the whole "autism issue" was very much a non-issue.

While there were opportunities somewhat closer to home, offering more money, I decided to go where I felt I could be myself and accepted, as well as make a difference. It's a new position at this company, so I get to chart my own path to a great extent. This works for me since the basic structure is in place, but then I have the freedom to work in such a way that helps me produce my best work.

So today was my new start and it feels natural and right.

Autistic Accommodation

word cloud with terms concerning disability and workplace accommodation

This is an excerpt from my post on LinkedIn, geared towards allaying the fears employers may have when it concerns employing Autistic people.

If you're in a workplace with more than 10 people, odds are high there's an Autistic person amongst you. You might not know it. They might not even know it! However, with more awareness and better diagnostic criteria, we're coming out of the woodwork and being more open and productive members of society. 

We've always been here - the quirky ones who bring the same lunch to work every day. The ones who talk too much or not enough, too loudly or barely audibly. The ones who stand too close, or the ones who keep huge distances. The ones who wear sunglasses inside but do such good work, you don't fault them for that. The ones who wear sandals in the winter and turtlenecks in the summer. We are a strange bunch, but we do enjoy our work and feeling productive - just like everyone else.

Autism is not a medical issue or mental illness. It is a developmental disorder that affects social skills mainly. It means we don't pick up on a lot of non-verbal cues. I have a hard time predicting what a person will do next. I will move over to the wrong side of the sidewalk when people come towards me (I don't know which is the right side, I always get it wrong!) I'm the worst at solving crime mysteries. However, a lack of social graces does not equal a lack of intelligence or a lack of empathy or feelings. When we have hurt someone, often completely unintentionally, we are very upset and want to fix it. 

On the plus side, what we lack in social ability, we make up for in other ways. Some of us are amazing with the written word, some with numbers. We have the ability to focus for hours without being distracted. We have an eye for detail - making us great code debuggers, game testers or editors. We have huge memories - great for dealing with large amounts of data. We have a strong sense of justice - we often follow the rules to the letter, which can mean being inflexible at times, but we make great legal secretaries or lawyers. Many of us are fine with routine repetitive tasks and derive a great deal of satisfaction from doing the same thing perfectly each time. 

So let's say an employee or potential employee tells you they are Autistic. What can you expect? Should you accommodate them? (In some places, it's illegal not to)

Read the rest of the article here.

How My ASD Diagnosis Changed Me

It has been just over six months since I got my official ASD diagnosis. It feels longer for some reason, but not in a bad way. It's amazing how much I've changed in the last six months.

I have embraced my diagnosis with open arms, using it as a catalyst for self-discovery and new levels of self-awareness. Mostly, I have felt empowered by it. I feel authentic. I no longer feel ashamed of myself and because of that, I feel I can live more like my true self. I am allowing myself to be me, just the way I am, without negative judgment. And that is so freeing.

I know a lot of people say they feel like diagnosis makes them "act more autistic." I guess I can say a similar thing, in the sense that I am allowing myself to be naturally, quirky me. I no longer try to hide my stims. I accept them as needed and helpful, for the most part.

I "came out" at work, which has been both good and bad. Good because it has given me a way to fight for acceptance and bad in the sense there is still a lack of understanding of what it really means to be Autistic. However, I guess I can't accomplish everything in six short months. Still, there is hope for improvements and I don't regret doing it.

I have felt more empowered to stand up for myself and my family. I would have said I was always a strong person, but truthfully, I lacked certain skills when it came to dealing with my mom. I came to the realization that I was still doing things simply to "keep the peace" or make her happy at the expense of myself and my family. I finally found the courage to put my foot down. Case in point, normally I would have gone to her place for Easter dinner, not because that's what I want, but because it would be what *she* wants and I would suffer through it. She is just a very negative and controlling person and being around her makes me anxious a lot of the time. I refused to go, which of course made her angry, but she'll get over it. Instead of turning my life into chaos and bending over backwards to make it work for her, I've had a very relaxing weekend with my little family at home. That peace of mind is priceless.

I have become better able to let anxiety and other stressful emotions wash over me, rather than panic. I think understanding that my anxiety stemmed mostly from over-stimulation of the senses and learning to listen to and accept my limits, means that I am a much happier and calmer person. Before I didn't really understand what I was panicking about, which can be pretty scary. Now I am more aware of my sensory issues and finding ways to work with them. I accept that I can take time-outs for myself and I can find ways to recharge and cope. I no longer blame myself for what I previously perceived to be "failings" or "weakness."

On this day, which also happens to be my 13th handfasting anniversary, I think back to the vows we wrote for each other. One line was, "to delight in who you are becoming." We knew over time we would both change and we decided to accept that off the bat. I know my husband still delights in what I am becoming and I delight in his changes as well. But I can also say that I am also taking great delight in who I am becoming.

As I sit perched in my new hanging chair - which my husband worked hard to mount for me, knowing it would calm my sensory issues - I can't help but delight in the whole process of becoming more me. 

An Open Letter To My Son's School

For privacy reasons, I am not publishing the name of my son's school. However, this is a copy of the letter I sent to his school in response to their "Light It Up Blue" celebration.

The "Light It Up Blue" campaign was started by Autism Speaks - an organization that I unfortunately cannot support as an Autistic adult and self-advocate, as well as mother to an Autistic child. Autism Speaks says they are spreading "awareness" but uses fear-mongering and likens autism to a deadly illness that is "stealing children" and requiring a cure. They consider autism to be a disease and a "public health concern." (Ref: http://www.autismspeaks.ca/events/light-it-up-blue-and-world-autism-awareness-day/)

They do not listen to the voices of autistic people and do not have one autistic representative on their board or openly in their organization. 

As such, I cannot support their work and I cannot sit back quietly while they continue their reign of fear.

I will continue to fight for acceptance - acceptance for all people, regardless of ability, sex, creed or colour. I will continue to fight for acceptance of neurodiversity and the understanding that different is not wrong or less. In fact, if your autism celebrations are done with the intent to promote pride and acceptance of autism, I can only support that. But if they are based on the need for a "cure" for the "devastating curse of autism," as promoted by Autism Speaks, then I am distinctly against it.

I am writing because I want you to be aware of where this campaign stems from and how it can hurt autistic people. After all, we are not disappearing. Autistic children grow into autistic adults.

Because my son is too young to be involved in such politics, I will send him to school in blue so he can look like his friends and enjoy his day, but understand this puts me in an awkward position and is not an ideal situation.

SCHOOL has done an amazing job supporting my son in the short time he has attended. Please do not let the loudest voices, and in this case, the one with the most money, sway you down the wrong path. There are many great associations where autistics are coming together to speak, and hopefully one day we will be truly heard.

Thank you for your consideration.

#WondrousWednesdays - Autism Acceptance Interview

Paula is a great Autistic Advocate and she interviewed me for her Interview With Autistics Series. Read all about me here! 

 You should check out the other interviews along with the work she has put into Autism Acceptance - which started as a day, then became a month and then a whole decade. Hopefully by the end of this decade, we'll be further ahead. There's also my post on why we need more acceptance and not awareness. April is coming up and it's considered "Autism Awareness Month" - we need to counter the fear-mongering press with acceptance.