This Language Ain't For Y'all

Let me state that language is a bit of "special interest" of mine - I have a degree in Linguistics - so I have an educated understanding of language and all its idiosyncracies and beauty. While there are hundreds of languages spoken in the world, communication, at its most basic, is any two people managing to understand each other. That's it. Communication may use writing, spoken utterances or gestures, but it just needs any two people to understand each other to be valid. I have a deep respect for this wonderful human process.

So why am I writing this? Because it annoys me when people criticise other people's language or communication because they "don't understand it" or they accuse other people's communication of "dumbing down society." Scientifically, this is absolutely ridiculous. Politically, it's bigotted, sometimes even ableist.

Take this Tweet, for example:

When your hair is on fleek. pic.twitter.com/NZI2VImFwJ

— Robots With Rayguns (@robtswthrayguns) June 25, 2017

"On fleek" has been in use since 2014, if you use Merriam-Webster as a source, or 2009, if you go by whatever you find on the internet. Either way, it's not a mainstream word and not everyone uses it. However, you'll get plenty of people criticising it and other "slang" words' use.

"I don't get get it. It sounds stupid! Why can't people speak proper English anymore!" 

So there are a few problems with complaining about language evolution:

1. You can't stop time and change, sorry to break it to you! No matter how much you complain, new people will do new things. The world changes and you're kinda stuck either adapting or being really unhappy.
2. Who made "proper English" (whatever that is. That is not a scientific category) the Holy Grail of languages?
3. These words or language being used aren't for you to understand. In fact, many speakers much prefer you not understand. 

Remember how I said communication is any two people being able to understand each other? Sometimes languages develop specifically because the speakers don't want anyone else to understand them.

If we look at the development of many creoles in the Caribbean, this is exactly what occurred. People from different African countries were stuck together on slave boats. They did not share a common language, so they had to find ways to communicate with each other. By mixing words and phrases from their own languages, and those of the slave drivers, they were able to create their own languages. In Linguistics, we call this a pidgin. Ideally, they did not want the slave drivers to understand them - I think we can all appreciate why this would be.

When a pidgin evolves and a basic grammar starts to emerge, it becomes a creole. The point I need to make here, however, is not only is language in constant evolution (just like people!), but the necessity to have communication that is solely for the understanding of certain groups of people has been going on since we started communicating with each other. Social groups use different methods to make themselves distinct such as diet, dress, creed, and of course, language.

Is it really any surprise that teens might make up their own words and use them with each other, maybe so their parents don't understand? It's creative and genius. There's nothing unintelligent about it and it certainly doesn't affect any one else's use of the dominant language.

Or if we look at African American Vernacular English (AAVE), again created by a racial group, which can serve as a marker the user is part of that social community. It's how people relate to each other. Contrary to "dumbing down" English (or any other language for that matter), all users of a creole or a vernacular speak the dominant language of the area (English) - meaning they are actually bilingual or polyglots (multi-lingual). They're actually using more of their brain than unilingual people.

As it's all communication, I see all languages (spoken, text, sign, morse code) as equally valid. A pidgin is not any less useful than "proper English" - both get the job done. Pidgin poety also exists, so fear not, the arts are not neglected.

[Image description: a corner of a keyboard, a cell phone and a pen with the words, "This Language Ain't For Y'all written in dark blue along the bottom]

When people hear slang and complain, "that isn't an English word! I don't get it! It's dumbing down society!" that's like saying Italian is going to ruin English because you don't understand it. And really, don't be so full of yourself. It's not for you to use. It's not even for you to understand. You're not part of the group that is using it! You weren't invited into their conversation. You're being the rude one if you're jumping in and demanding you understand other people's private (or exclusive) conversations.

Remember that any group of people excludes others from their conversations in many ways. Inside jokes are one. Or a family that uses a term for something their toddler came up with and it stuck forever. My husband's family has an "oompa." What is that? You can guess, but unless you're part of his family it doesn't make sense for you to know or understand. There's no reason for you to start using it, and his family's use of it doesn't somehow hurt the whole English language and threaten its very existence.

Certain words and phrases come into use because of spelling errors, or short cuts in written language (texting) being necessary or common. What might look "lazy" to you could just be someone's dyslexia. Is it really fair to complain someoene's learning disability is not only annoying you or is "ruining" the language? If that's the case, I don't want to hang around you.

So of course, you are free to continue criticising the words other people use, but please try to remember that it has nothing to do with you. It's not meant for you. You do you :)

Home Speech Therapy Exercises

Using my Repeat, Simplify and Wait process helps give children the time, tools and confidence to practice speaking.

If your child has Childhood Apraxia of Speech, these tips are really helpful. Combine oral language with sign, prompts and Pictos to reinforce and encourage. Always do it in a spirit of learning and fun.

Don't forget to give lots of praise for any speech attempt!

Let me know how it works out for you and feel free to ask me any questions!

Don't Put Words In My Mouth - Part 2

After I wrote Don't Put Words In My Mouth, I got great feedback in the form of a different perspective, saying they actually found some prompts useful. It's described here in a great post.

However, I don't really see that conversation as prompting. I see it as gaining understanding and a form of effective communication.

It's about taking the time to really listen to what someone is trying to express. It's about understanding that language is not always reliable. It's about understanding that language also limits, depending on the day, the circumstances, the person communicating - so many factors for things to go wrong.

When people say that autistics who are using echolalia or scripted dialogue are not using real communication, it's a failure to accept and acknowledge a different way of expression and communication. Those methods of communication, even if repetitive or scripted do have meaning and provide a comfortable way to express concepts that can be difficult to find the "right" words for.

I'm not going to lie, I take great pride in using words precisely, and so do many autistics I know, but language is not always 100% reliable for everyone all the time, and in those cases, other more creative methods have to be used.

When someone, anyone, autistic or not, is trying to say something and you do not understand, isn't it the "right" thing to do to try to understand what they mean? 

Sometimes, when asked a question, my son will parrot back whatever word I said last. This does not mean he is mocking me. Nor does it mean that's what he wants. Nor does it mean he doesn't understand.
It means he knows he should give an answer to a question and rather than say nothing, he says the last thing he hears. Most importantly, it also means I need to wait patiently while he thinks it through, because if I wait for him, he will give me his true, unrushed answer.

For example, sometimes in the morning I ask, "would you like an apple or an orange for your snack at school today?" so that I know what to pack.
He might reply, "no" initially.
This just means he doesn't want either of these things right now, not that he doesn't want them at all, because his mind is on the present.

So I say, "ok," I acknowledge, "but at school today, when you have snack time, would you like apple or orange?" and he'll usually say, "orange....no apple....no orange....uhhhhh."

And this is where I must wait quietly while he decides. Prompting with "apple? Orange?" or even worse, "make up your mind!" is not helpful. He needs time to process and think.

Invariably, he will come out with his answer with conviction, "I want apple!" or he will say he prefers something else, "no, I want banana!" in which case I'll have to see if that desire can be accommodated. But the point is that the dialogue is there and he is allowed to freely speak his mind and make decisions for himself because I wait for him to express himself in his way.

In other ways, for an NT, it's like learning to speak a different language; Autistic. You have to keep an open mind to speak Autistic. For example, my son used to call bananas "moons" because they look like a crescent moon. Other round fruits may have been "circle fruit" so the conversation could easily have been him saying, "no circles, want moon." Hearing the utterance of "no circles, want moon" wouldn't make much sense to many other people, but for us, it would have made perfect sense.

I think it important to encourage and become fluent in whatever language your child is using to communicate because when you think about it, you're asking a lot from them. You're asking them to learn your language. Maybe make a bit of compromise and learn a bit of theirs. 

Handwriting With Trauma

My son's school uses the Handwriting Without Tears program. Sounds great, right? I don't know much about it, but anything without tears sounds like a good thing to me. The teaching character is called Mat Man. My son loves Mat Man, apparently.

But three weeks into school, he suddenly hates the song that goes along with the program. Like, he's terrified. Like, they had to remove him from the class while it was playing terrified.

I don't know exactly which song it is, so I don't know what it is about it that has triggered him. The one I found on YouTube sounds pretty snazzy to me!



I asked him about it and he just said it upsets him. So I don't really want to prod too much. I don't really think he has the words to explain it to me either right now. Oh well, the teachers will just have to have him sit out for the time being.

More Sentences!

It is wonderful that we've been moving from just words, to more full sentences. The things that come out of his mouth are surprising and funny. We know he is listening to us at all times! Oh oh!

Now when the Little Man trips or falls, he says, "I meant to do that!"

We went to visit and were knocking on his granny's door to get in and he said, "Hello? Can you hear me?"

It's so cute because these are not necessarily phrases we actively taught him, just things he has picked up on his own.

We have a lot of people visiting our apartment since we're moving, and he asked them, "what doing in my house?" I wasn't around at the time and Hubby didn't really explain it to him, but I told him he needs to explain to him why we're allowing strangers to walk in our house. I'm sure it doesn't make any sense to him.

In other good news, we got an appointment with the special autism school for an evaluation. I really hope he gets accepted for September. I think he'll really enjoy school.

The First I Love You

Every night before bed, Hubby rocks the Little Man and I come in and get my good night kiss. I say "Good Night, Little Man" and sometimes, but not always, he says, "Good Night, Mama!"

Then I usually say, "I love you!" and he usually just looks at me or ignores me or whatever and it's no big deal. Last night for the first time ever though, he responded with, "I love you, mama."

This was wonderful and surprising, but probably not in the way you'd expect from a mama. It was significant because it means he understands the complex syntax and the social use of it. He doesn't have to feel love when he says the words, we already have our nose beep system for that, it's the comprehension and production of language that is interesting.

You see, he didn't just parrot back, "I love you Little Man" or just "I love you" - it's more complex to understand that the subject of the sentence changes. It means his little brain is learning tons about language. That's very cool!

I Love You Mama Greeting Card by oodlesdoodles

French and German Are Funny

At daycare the Little Man is spoken to in French. He now says "oui" and "touche pas" and it cracks me up every time. I mean, it's good he's speaking French, I just find it so funny to hear it come out of his mouth.

I might start speaking German to him part time again and see what he thinks about that. He used to laugh like crazy whenever I read German stories to him. It was hilarious.

In other news, the QC government got back to us about the child supplement and they want a new speech therapy report AND a new OT report (neither of which we have). Those combined would cost about $800 to get. The supplement is $70/m. I'm not sure this is worth it. Ridiculous.

Snippets of the Child's Mind

The Little Man says things like, "up up high Dada living room!" which means he wants to watch "Baa Sheep" (Wallace and Gromet, not to be confused with "Dada Sheep" which is Shaun The Sheep) with Dada in the living room (since the Wallace and Gromet VHS's are on top of the TV stand).

Or things like "bubbles outside now!" and "beach go" - he points to a post card of Florida and wants to go. Aside from "go" I think the only other verb he has is "watch TV."

He knows "this way" and "that way" and "mine truck."

It's interesting because he will say "hi/bye" to people on command (like a robot) but doesn't look at the person when he does it. He'll maybe wave in their general direction. Despite the perceived lack of emotion or disconnect, I know he does still *feel* something. The only way I can understand this is through Hubby, who we're almost 100% sure is also Asperger's and early in our relationship, I'd ask him how he felt about something and he said he honestly didn't know. I couldn't fathom it at the time, but over time, I've come to accept/understand it a bit better. I used to think it was a cop-out, but I've seen him shut down (and work with him to avoid that now) and I know he feels deeply about things at times.

Hubby doesn't avoid eye contact, but makes it intently - maybe to over-compensate - but it was one of the things that initially drew me in. Never had I been with someone who seemed so intently interested in what I had to say. I understand now it was his only way of actually paying attention to what I had to say. I know now if he isn't looking at me, whatever I say is not heard. It's only over time I understood that he's not ignoring me, he just operates differently.

Anyway, all this to say, with language, we're gaining some insight into our child's mind and what he picks up. He's still not speaking an appropriate age level, but we're learning more about what he thinks about. It's also interesting how he's a lot like Hubby, but also a lot like me and we'll see how this plays out as he grows up. Seeing him and his reactions has made me remember a lot of quirks about myself (and wonder if I don't have Asperger's also sometimes!) - I hated having any part of my head touched, I still don't like making eye contact with people, I'm not 100% sure I'm in touch with my own emotions half the time - I know I can be very cold.

In other news, I took The Little Man to the pool party at the Natatorium and let him go in a bouncy castle for the first time. This was like heaven for him. He bounced a bit, but spent most of his time free-falling face first into the mat. The attendant looked at him a little weird and seemed concerned at first, but he would stand up with a giant smile and do it again. It was horrible when we had to leave and he cried the whole way home. I need to turn my living room into a giant bouncy castle.

Now I Know My ADD

The Little Man expresses B as D, so I can't remember if I mentioned it, but instead of "bye" he says, "die." Aww, my little Goth boy.
For the ABC song, he sings, "now I know my A D D."

 When he doesn't like something, he puts his hands out and says, "top, top! Whoa whoa whoa!" as in, "whoa les moteurs!" so I guess he got that from me.

 No, I don't sing this song at home:

 He says, "good night, mama," which is the best.

When I ask him, "who loves you?" he says, "Iiiiiiii wuv who, boo boo bee do!" from 
Skinamarinky Dinky Dink:


Is that like, just a Canadian song or an international song? 

Anything farm related is an "ee ii ee ii oo."

He sings Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and Bingo with help, but if he doesn't want you to join in, he says, "top, whoa!" LOL

Say What?

I'm posting things mostly for my memory, but also because they're just funny. This is like the tourist phrase book for Little Man language:

Thank you = ha who!
Bye = Die! (said very cheerfully, I might add. Die, everyone, die!)
Snowman = no-na
Banana = nana
Excuse me = no knee
tissues = ah choo!
bagel = day-go

I'm not sure why, but sometimes I'm "mama" and more often I'm "dadamama." Is it because he has to say "dada" more often to get his attention, it's become the default? I don't know, but I don't mind being a "dadamama." I can think of worse things!