Montreal Resources for Parents

After dealing with two kids with gastroenteritis ("stomach flu") and not able to send the baby to daycare because of it, Hubby and I didn't have much sleep, laundry was piled up, and we were still trying to work our jobs. It was too much!

So I went searching for resources. For families like us without extended family able to lend a hand, it can be rough. I went in search of emergency babysitting and in that search, I found a bunch of other resources that might help. I'm sharing what I found in case others find it useful:

La Maison Kangourou - I've mentioned them when they opened in 2011 and they're still going strong. They offer emergency respite at their three-floor home, 24/7. You can drop off a child (up to 12 years old) any time and know they will be safe. They can stay up to two weeks at a time. They also offer weekend respite for $40/child/day.

We Care Home Health Services - Provides health care in your home.

Bayshore Health Care - In-home health care available 24/7. They care for seniors, children, and do light house work (dishes, laundry, sweeping).

Information and Referral Center of Montreal - Not sure who to call or where to start? No clue what's available in the city? Call 211 and they do the searching for you. It's free!

Premiere Ressource - Do you need to vent about challenging parenting issues? Have a parenting question? Just need someone to listen? Premiere Ressource is free, anonymous, and staffed by psychologists and child specialists. You can call between 9am-9pm most days to speak to someone.

As usual, for any non-emergency health issues, you can always speak to a nurse by calling 811.

If you are in a state where you may harm yourself or your child, please call 911 or head to your nearest emergency room, police station or CLSC for immediate assistance. 

We All Need Help

You get up in the morning with to the sound of an alarm clock. The house is warm (or cool depending on how you like it) with the aid of programmed thermostats. Technology is wonderful and so useful. 

You make breakfast, or maybe someone left a smoothie or cup of coffee for you in the kitchen. Your house is clean because you had a maid in on the weekend. You take a shower and get dressed, listening to the news on the radio. Checking your cell phone, you can see the quickest way to work today would be to catch the bus at the corner. Some days, your co-worker sees you waiting at the stop and picks you up. You always appreciate the gesture and chip in a little for gas.

Lunch at work is being delivered by a catering company today, so you didn't make your own lunch. You get home from work and find your partner has a migraine, so you take over the evening routine and let them head to bed early. You know they would do the same for you. You make sure to prep the coffee maker for them for the next morning and make sure the car has enough gas in it for them to get to work. 

Sounds like a typical day, doesn't it? No one exists in a bubble without any help. Technology helps us get up and out the door. Friends, family members and co-workers help us get through our day in many ways. Are some forms of help more socially accepted than others?

We don't judge anyone for not getting a bus driving license and call them lazy or worse because they need to rely on someone else to drive a bus to get them to work. We also don't drive our own trains or fly our own planes (most of us, anyway), and that sort of aid is totally fine! Has anyone ever called you stupid for not being able to fly a plane?

We (typically) don't judge people who need house keepers to keep their house clean. We don't bat an eye when we have to order food from a restaurant instead of cook it ourselves. No one calls people weak or disabled or incapable for eating out. 

Yet, when a disabled person needs assistance for certain tasks, they are seen as weak, incapable, and even have functioning labels put on them (which I hate). If someone needs an aid to come to their house every morning, to get them out of bed, shower and dress them, they are seen as functioning at a lower level than the rest of us.

If a disabled person needs a cleaner to help with chores, they are seen as less than. If a non-disabled person hires a cleaner, they are seen as smart for making time for themselves and maybe even seen as somewhat affluent. Most of all, no one pities or chastises them for needing help. 

We need to think about the amount of help we all receive on a daily basis and we need to think about the judgements we make about others needing help. We all need help in different ways and at different times of our life we may need more. This does not reflect negatively on anyone's intelligence or capabilities. In many ways, help enables us to be more efficient, productive, organized and useful. Without help, we wouldn't get as far.

When Helping Doesn't Help

I read this great article that touches on what I call, "when helping doesn't help." It's about those moments (or complete events) where people genuinely have good intentions but fall short because of a lack of understanding.
It comes from a place of making assumptions, rather than just asking the right people questions. In this case, the article is talking about when Six Degrees created a "day of silence" because some people don't have a choice. It's supposed to give people insight into how some non-verbal people live with autism. But it's a lot like those 24 hour "famines" or "homelessness" experiments. Two hours or even 24 hours is not enough time to get to understand what a person feels like. You always know in the end that there is an end to whatever "trial" you are going through. Not only that, but these experiments often take place in a group setting, where support and community get you through the "tough time." Most people who are really suffering do so all alone.

How about getting rejected for a job you are capable of doing and really want, but you can't or don't speak traditionally? How about then living in poverty because, while you have skills, no one wants to hire you? How about being relentlessly teased and excluded for your whole childhood? A cute little experiment doesn't give you that insight.

It happens not only with disability and class issues, but also race. I can think of times where someone invited me to dinner and said, "I bought/made this for you because I thought you would like it," with the implication that because of my colour or culture, I would automatically like it. While it's a nice gesture, it's also unfortunately misguided. Assuming what I need/like/do based on my appearance means you haven't really bothered to get to know me. I remember being chastised about the fact I get sea sick even though my father comes from an island. How those things are related is beyond me!

Imagine if I brought a jar of mayonnaise to all dinner parties with white people because I heard they like it....

The solution for all this is JUST ASK. If you want to help someone, the best person to ask about what they need is the person you want to help. 

Unless you are planning a surprise party, simply asking, "how can I best help you? What do you really need?" and then trying to achieve that is the best anyone can ask for. Do not think it is not worthy if you find it small/easy/insignificant. It might be easy for you and very hard for someone else. In which case, get your ego out of the way as quickly as possible and do what you are able to do. You might be surprised how genuinely appreciated it is.

EDIT: I also just found this article with more great ways to help.

How Not To Become Overwhelmed With Life

Ask for help.





There, this post is done.






lol, ok, seriously though. It's true.


I'm writing this post for all the people who have helped us along the way. Help has come from places I didn't even know existed. Help came in the form of close friends and not so close friends. Some help has been free, some help has been paid for. Some help was expected, some wasn't.

The point is it doesn't always appear in the ways you think it should/would. It doesn't always come from the people you most want it from, but if you ask and keep an open mind, it will come. Don't say no to offers, however small! In general, people want to help you!

You don't need to make excuses for needing help either. If you are a special needs parent, you have more on your plate. Maybe you don't trust anyone else to watch over your child, but you can stay with them and let someone else wash the dishes. Or let someone cook you a meal. There are lots of options if you think outside the box.

That's how not to become overwhelmed with life.

Then, when all is said and done, don't forget to say THANK YOU!