June 26, 2016

It's Not My Party

The Tiny Man's court date for his adoption (all this legal stuff!) is coming up right before a long weekend, so I was thinking of having an adoption party. After all, we never had a baby shower or even a "Sprinkle". The speed of how he came to be in my arms one winter day really left us no time for such things.

With the warmer weather, I thought it would be nice to celebrate our new family and mark the day the papers are signed; the I's dotted and the T's crossed. Then I started reading about Adoption Day celebrations and "Gotcha Days". Then I started reading what adoptees had to say...

If you stop to think about it, "gotcha!" doesn't have the most positive connotations. It sounds like a game of tag and I tricked someone. Or I stole him away from someone else. Certainly, our "gotcha" day is someone else's horrible day of loss. My son might not like this idea, and he's allowed to not like it.

In reality, we became a family the day I brought him into our home. We kept to ourselves those first early months and kept things low-key for all our benefit. I had tears of sadness and joy. Similarly, with any other "celebration" concerning adoption, he gets to take the lead. He gets to decide how or if he wants to mark these days.

So even though us parents certainly felt a moment of relief, and maybe even wanted to mark the occasion, it's not our day. It's his. It's not about me. It's all about him. It's not my party, and he can cry if he wants to. Or not. When he's old enough he'll get to chose.

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